humour Archives - Page 11 of 18 - Forever In Mom Genes

Calendar Woes And Ice Cream Cake

Oct 17 2012

Like a tipsy outfielder squinting into the sun during an eclipse, I’m dropping a lot of balls. My husband says I’m the most disorganized organized person he’s ever met, while my friends have suggested I’m in need of a calendar revamp. They may be right. My inability to sync my multitude of calendars plays a key role in this disorganized tale. In order to reinstate some balance to my topsy turvy schedule, the first thing I need to do is find a cohesive calendar solution. My current (flaky) system has not been serving me well. The fact that I actually have “Learn how to sync calendars” written on one of my calendars… is laughable. Here’s the mess I’m dealing with: Calendar 1: the traditional paper calendar that hangs inside my kitchen cupboard — which apparently you need to LOOK at on a daily basis to avoid missing important appointments…like your physical, which has now been rescheduled for four months from now. Or like your kids’ doctors appointments. The ones you now have to pay $60 for missing because they charge an “idiot fee.” Calendar 2: the wall calendar in my office where you need to actually write things down in order to[…]

Aug 09 2012

You’d think a forty-two year old wife, mother of two, loyal friend and over-all wise (some days) woman would have it all figured out by now. Apparently not. Which path to take? One that is familiar, but littered with the heavy expectations of others? Or another path, perhaps parallel or possibly divergent. It’s hard to know which way to go, but acknowledging that a new course is necessary is a damn good step. Don’t you just hate these cryptic posts? You’re like, “What the hell is she going on about now?” All the whiny sh*t people write, dancing around the issue, but never saying what they mean. It’s annoying. Just come out and state your dilemma! But what if they can’t? What if they aren’t sure how to go about it all. What if they are holding back in order to spare feelings? What if they… okay fine, I’m talking about me here. I’m not one to air my dirty laundry. Perhaps a lightly soiled garment, but never a muddy mess. And so I pause and reflect. Aaaaaaaand, reflection done. It’s time to make a few changes. Tasks left unfinished, strained relationships left unresolved, commitments left unattended-to, promises left unfulfilled, drama and self-doubt[…]

Aug 02 2012

If you have young children you’ve likely been subjected to Max and Ruby. You’ve also obviously wondered, where their parent are. I always assumed they were killed trying to hop across the interstate. *Update 2017—recent episodes of the show now include mom and dad rabbit! They hopped into the show after their mysterious five year absence. I’d love to know how creator Rosemary Wells feels about this rabbit resurrection. In past interviews she’s said, “We don’t see Max and Ruby’s parents because I believe that kids resolve their issues and conflicts differently when they’re on their own.” Maybe Wells is cool with this. Or perhaps this is the shows producers caving into PC pressures? Very curious… The other day as my daughter sat watching the show her older brother was nearby researching bird calls with his new Bird Watchers App. He’d been asking for it for months. I finally relented and now live in a constant state of, “Is that a bird in my house?! No, it’s just the app. Man that sounds real. Oh my god, maybe there IS a bird in my house?! ” While he was busy with his virtual flock, my daughter enjoyed her favourite[…]

Jun 12 2012

Gator skin, flakey fingernails that won’t grow beyond the boundaries of their nail beds, hair resembling a wheat field at harvest time… I’m in the midst of a dry spell. What could be missing from my daily routine that could be responsible for this desperately dry situation? I drink at least one glass of water a day so…. oh wait. Mystery solved. Our bodies are 70% water so I’m guessing it’s a tad important. I like water (especially with a little squeeze of lemon) so I’m at a loss as to why I’ve been avoiding it. I have decided to end this drought and made a plan to liquify my assets so-to-speak and came up with a Mandate to Hydrate. I vow to drink water all day, every day for a week, and then *graph my results. The first day I may have overdone it. When my teeth started floating, I knew I had H2Overdosed. Day Two, I sipped water sensibly throughout the day (not madly gulping tumblers-full like a college freshmen at a Kegger like Day one). By lights out I had consumed about nine glasses of water. I felt good; maybe a little bloated, but in a[…]

Mar 04 2012

Planes can fly. Real planes. Not metal toy ones. Correction, toy planes DO fly, but not for long. Soon enough they’ll come crashing down. And, if you toss a toy plane directly overhead, chances are it will make a crash landing…on your face. Poor Avery learned this the hard way. The lesson was as plain as the nose on her face. Or in her case, as plain as the plane on her nose. Ouch.

Category - humour

Calendar Woes And Ice Cream Cake

I’m Not A Drama Mama

Ruby the Catty Bunny

My Mandate To Hydrate

As Plain As The Plane On Your Face