Category - humour

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Win The War On Warts
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The 411 on Shingles
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Everyone Is Socially Awkward
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Are You An April Fool?
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Instagram Stories Are The New Twitter

Win The War On Warts

There’s just no prettying up the topic of warts. As they say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. And now you’ve exposed yourself to hogwarts (that kills with the Harry Potter crowd). If you’re a parent chances are good you’ll be waging “wart war” at some point between nursery school and high school graduation.  Warning: This post is yet another disgusting peek into the world of gross ailments. (Did you read about my encounter with Shingles?) All warts are caused by Human Papillomavirus (HPV) however warts may vary in appearance and develop in different areas of the body. Common Warts—unsightly yes, but relatively harmless. They usually appear on fingers, hands, elbows and knees. They can take anywhere from six months to two years to go away on their own. My daughter had one on her knee that took ages to go away. I worried about that. I guess that makes me a “wart worry wart.” If you spot a small, hard, grey, pink or brown bumpy (like cauliflower) bump, that may have black pepper-like specks in it (Note to self: do not make seasoned roasted cauliflower for dinner ever again), then it’s probably a wart.  Flat Warts—tiny and flat, they often appear on the face but can crop up anywhere and possibly in a cluster. Filiform[…]

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The 411 on Shingles

If you think you’re too young to get shingles—think again.  When I took my son to our doctor about a lingering cough, I thought since I was there I’d asked her about seven red weird welts on my hip. I thought they could be spider bites. (Thank you to my brother for putting that horrific thought into my head.) I also wondered if I could be allergic to my new jeans — specifically the dark wash that was dying my skin blue. My husband helpfully suggested the hives could be from “tight pants and all the rubbing.” He paid handsomely for that comment.  I assumed that when I lifted my shirt to expose the rash on my lateral muffin-top the doctor would say, “That? Oh it’s nothing. Just dry skin. Be on your way you adorable little hypochondriac.”  Imagine my surprise when she told me I had SHINGLES! “Are you kidding me?” I gasped. “What am I, eighty?!” Turns out my indignation was misplaced. Apparently the shingles virus is not elderly exclusive. Upon announcing my affliction on Facebook, as one does, I was surprised to learn many of my young-ish peers have also suffered from this painful ailment. One friend told me when she experienced shingles in[…]

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Everyone Is Socially Awkward

Even the most self-assured people feel socially awkward. Nobody is 100% confident, 100% of the time. I’m coming to realize this more and more….we’re ALL socially awkward in some way. It just sticks out on some of us more than others.  I’m going to my thirty year high school reunion this weekend. I was telling everyone that I couldn’t believe I was 25 years out of high school. My friend corrected with me a jarring, “Idiot. It’s 30.” Great. I’m awkward AND old.  It’s going to be fun counting up all the awkward triangle moments. You know, when you end up in a conversation with two random people and it becomes awkward fast and you can’t escape.  Reunions are a funny thing. You WANT TO GO because it’s nostalgic and you’d love to see old friends face-to-face instead of just on Facebook.  But you DON’T WANT TO GO because what will you wear? What will you say? What if it’s awkward? News flash: It WILL be awkward. Not all of it, but parts. But it’s okay! We all feel it. And nobody has died from making an innocent social slip. You just feel like dying in the moment. But it passes. I[…]

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Are You An April Fool?

April Fools’ Day falling on Easter Sunday this year has thrown me off. I had to hide eggs and make bunny pancakes—I didn’t have it in me to execute any clever pranks too.  I’m not great at it anyway. Most of my family and friends claim they can see it coming from a mile away. So instead of fun pranks, here’s a random list of foolish ways to be a big ol’ fool in a daily life kind of way. Do any of the following if you want to be foolish AF.  1.Text and drive. 2. Cut your own hair. Especially after a glass of wine or three.  3. Take on more than you can handle. Just keep saying yes to everything until you pass out.  4. Put your health last.  5. Take people for granted.  6. Make up time lost by stealing “sleep” time. Sleep is for babies.  7. Never step outside your comfort zone. 8. Bail on as many social engagements as you can.  9. Skip exercise. Who wants to go getting all healthy and trim? 10. Send a text while you’re angry.  11. Gossip and spread rumours.  12. Compare yourself to others.  13. Sleep with your cell phone.   14.[…]

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Instagram Stories Are The New Twitter

I miss Twitter. Ya, it still exists, and there’s fun to be had, but it’s not quite the same. Twitter used to be the go-to SM hook-up for a quick dose of social interaction. You’d post a rando thought like, “I adore guacamole!” and within seconds you’d be chatting with ten people, trading guac recipes and marvelling at how crazy it is that avocados go from ripe to rank in a blink of an eye. I miss that kind of serious engagement.  Now I’ll post a funny quip  or question and nuthin’. It’s like outer space—silent vapid nothingness.  Twitter has become “The Upside Down” ala Stranger Things, but dotted with political rants and branded ads.  I miss my community!!! Where are you guys??!! I also miss the instant feedback and real time interaction once found on The Twitter.  You can still rustle up some interaction on Facebook, but it’s hit or miss. And progressively pay to play.  As for blog comments? You’re more likely to get hit by an asteroid than hit with an actual blog comment from a living breathing non-bot human.  So where does an attention seeking social person find the love on social these days? Instagram! But[…]

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