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Be Careful What You Say To A Highly Literal Child

May 26 2020

My daughter is literally the most literal person I know. Her brain is just wired that way. If she asks for an extra big scoop of pasta and I say, “I hope your eyes aren’t bigger than your stomach,” she’ll say, “Nope. My eyes are normal size.” Or if you tell her, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” she’ll ask, “Which bridge? Are we driving or walking over it? Can a pack a snack?” Until recently, if I snuggled her and said, “You’re so delicious, I could just eat you up,” she’d wriggle away in protest and exclaim, “I’m not food!” She understands now that it’s an expression of affection, and that I won’t actually come at her with a fork. I love a witty figure of speech, a pun, or clever turn-of-phrase, and use them often. As a rule, I think this is the best practise. How else will a child learn to communicate effectively if we don’t introduce modern vernacular and push the language bar? This morning I inadvertently pushed the bar too high. The horrified expression on my sweet girl’s face is burned on my brain; because her literal brain mistook “tech specific” language for something alarmingly[…]

May 08 2020

Two months into this Covid-19 quarantine and we’re running out of things to talk about and “Chat App Fatigue” has become an actual thing. With each day blending into the next, there isn’t really anything new to discuss. An outing to the grocery store or the latest new release on Netflix aren’t the most riveting topics. But, as much as I struggle to keep the virtual conversation going, it’s become even more challenging for my kids. The older one isn’t chatty to begin with. He’d choose folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher over participating in a Facetime any day. He’s the strong silent type. My youngest on the other hand is the chattiest Cathy Avery you ever did meet. However, she’s struggling to find the words. Five minutes of a Google Meet, Zoom hangout, or Messenger Kids chat leaves her mentally exhausted. This particular case of Chat App Fatigue has reached its peak. She still enjoys an “actionist” chat —the kind where she’s actively doing something like playing BINGO or playing pretend camping under blankets with ipads and flashlights, or singing along with a Disney princess from Frozen in a group Zoom call. She’s happy when there’s something to do.[…]

Apr 23 2020

I still can’t believe this is happening. It’s like we’re living out a Netflix series. I’ve shared a bit about my personal struggles with the stress and my OMG PTSD, and so many have reached out to tell me I’m not freaking out alone. Thanks for that. This situation is disarming with obvious negatives. But, during this scary pandemic, there are some unexpected positives. Here’s one. Kids are kicking it old school and it’s refreshing. It feels like some kind of childhood reset. Kids are learning to play again—they’re imagining, crafting, and pretending. Not all day, every day. Let’s be real. My kids have spent way more time online than I care to admit. For e-learning of course, but also for fluffy entertainment. When I’m working and need to concentrate, my daughter is usually on a device. Sometimes she’s doing schoolwork. Sometimes she’s on a chat app talking to a friend. Sometimes she’s watching Ninja Kids TV (her current obsession) on You Tube. Even screenagers are starting to say enough is enough and have found other ways to entertain themselves… offline. OFFLINE—the mysterious place where we GenXers used to roam, free-range style, until the streetlights turned on. My son picked up his[…]

Apr 19 2020

It’s no secret that I enjoy a peppery shiraz fireside or a frosty Corona with lime on the patio. The sound of a beer top being popped is one of my favourite summer sounds, second only to maybe cicadas or a distant lawn mower (not sure why I love that sound… probably a pleasant childhood core memory). Drinking is a big part of our social culture. “Wine-c’clock” has been glamourized and normalized. Blah, blah, old news. This post isn’t about that, or about binge drinking, or the health risks specific to woman and alcohol. Nobody wants to hear that right now. Epic buzz kill. I’m not preaching the gospel of sober living. That would be rather hypocritical since chardonnay makes my day. That should really be on a t-shirt. Anyway, I just thought I’d bang out a few words about how this pandemic boozefest has become less of a supportive crutch and more of a hobbling. For ME, specifically. As a rule, I rarely set out to get “drunk.” I don’t actually like the spacey feeling of being intoxicated. It’s probably a type A personality, first-born, controlling Capricorn kind of thing. I like to be in control at all times. That’s likely a[…]

Mar 17 2020

I just had a full blown pandemic panic attack. I haven’t had one in years. A general panic attack I mean—pandemic specific panic attacks are a new thing. If you’ve never experienced a panic attack, they’re pretty awful. It’s a slow build that can also feel like an out of the blue gut punch. It’s hard to breathe. Picture a floundering fish, gasping for air. There’s sweating, a racing heart, and a tightening in the chest significant enough to question whether or not to call 911. There’s also a sense of doom. Big time foreboding. There can also be tears. A lot of them. It’s nothing I would personally recommend. During the SARS outbreak in 2003 I was busy giving birth to my first child and fairly oblivious to the hysteria. I was, from what I can remember, pretty chill for its entirety. But pandemics are clearly panic proliferating. I mean, have you been to a grocery store in the past three days? The frozen food FOMO is enough to set anyone enough off. But I think what I experienced earlier today is rooted in something above and beyond the regular “I don’t have enough toilet paper and sandwich bread” panic. […]