Cloudy With A Chance Of Toilet Water Rain

No matter what you do, or how “good” you are, sometimes you can’t escape the black cloud hanging over your head.

Have you seen my house? It’s the one with the dark cumulus cloud hovering just above the roof line. Let me preface this by saying, life is good. It’s really good. Everyone gets caught in the rain now and then. Sometimes the bad luck comes down in torrents. Other times it’s just a quick spritz and you don’t even need to blow dry your bangs.

It’s been a raining intermittently on us for a few weeks now.

First my dad was in hospital. He’s fine. But it was stressful. Then my father-in-law was rushed to emergency. Twice. That scenario, though it ended well, was frightening and upsetting.

Then only a few days before our trip to Disney World (our FIRST FAMILY VACATION EVER) my husband was in a car accident.

I already had significant anxiety around my dear spouse commuting on the fast and narrow highway that connects our home in the burbs to his work in the city. Every morning I must say, (must as in, it’s a compulsion) “Drive carefully” as he leaves or I fear for his safety; as though my neglecting to say this will affect his fate. It’s crazy, but he plays along because he’s coolio like that. Except when he says, “Nope. I’m going to close my eyes and drive really, really fast and steer with my feet.” Smart alec.
If I forget to say it or I’m fast asleep when he leaves, I have to phone to tell him to be careful.

“Lisa, you calling me while I’m driving is actually going to CAUSE me to go off the road!” he told me. Now I text.

A few weeks ago there was a seven call pile up on the highway. My husband was unlucky car number seven.

When the phone rang at 5:45 AM I knew it probably wasn’t a friend calling to chat. I answered and heard shouting and sirens and my husband calling my name.

“Adrian?!? Has there been an accident??!!!” I shrieked.

To which he replied, “Yes…… I’m in it!” 

Though the car was totalled, he was fine. Nobody was seriously injured and that is all that matters. I could expand on how my anxiety has reached a fever pitch in terms of him driving on that damn highway from hell, but let’s just say, I refuse to listen to the traffic report on the radio in the morning now. It elevates my blood pressure.

Then a week before our trip, Avery came down with pneumonia. She was home from school for nearly a week and it looked like our trip might be off. Thankfully she was much better by departure day. I on the other hand, was SICK AS A DOG.

Thanks to my friend “Dr. Laura” (the girl honestly know everything there is to know about naturopathic remedies) I was okay to fly and the trip went ahead as scheduled.

And the trip? It was bliss. I can’t wait to share about that soon (still wading through the hundreds of photos and video…).

As we returned home, relaxed and recharged, we knew this family escape was just what we needed. Things would be clear now. No more cloud hanging over us. And it was so. There was no moist cloud above because it was now in our damn kitchen! We returned home late and went straight to bed only to be jolted awake by the sound of the potrack in the kitchen breaking free from the ceiling and swinging across the counter, knocking the coffee maker onto the ceramic tile. A freak malfunction of the toilet flapper (a plumbing thingy, not a 1920s woman who dances on commodes) resulted in about 20 litres of water soaking through our kitchen ceiling, right down to the basement. $15,000 worth of damage.

On a positive note, I now have that skylight in my kitchen that I’ve always dreamed of. Unfortunately it looks up into the upstairs toilet. It’s a crappy view.

Our insurance will absorb most of the cost. Between house and car insurance, we’re covered. Gotta love when that cloud is outlined in silver.

So what does one do when they are living under a black cloud?

First you pout and complain and have a big ol’ feel sorry for yourself fest. But that gets old after a day so. So then you shake it off, put on a slicker and some gum boots and go car shopping and pick out a new granite counter top! But most of all, you feel grateful that four of the most important people in the world are in good health and safe.

And for kicks you can shout, “I see England, I see France, I see *insert one of your kids’ names* underpants!” from the kitchen every time they use the toilet. Cracks me up.

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