Pink Eye—Read the Label Folks

We need a Hazmet team to disinfect this house. My husband is the latest victim of this itchy and ugly affliction called Pink Eye. I don’t need to explain how traumatic this has been in his eyes (I mean that both literally and figuratively). According to him, conjunctivitis is even more debilitating than a Man Cold. I know…

My darling son itched his eye yesterday, just once, and I was on him with the drops before he could blink. I am hell bent to nip this mini-pandemic in the bud. Usually he’s very easy going about the eye drop insertion routine. This time however, he writhed and moaned and told me it stung. I poo-pooed his protests and carried on. This is when he really kicked up a fuss. “This feels different mom. I’m not kidding.”

Seems I’d used ear drops by mistake. Just in the one eye. So that makes me only 50% negligent. right?

When I got my hands on the correct drops and attempted to douse the second eye, I had to regain his trust. Silly kids. If they only knew that we’re basically just winging this whole parenting thing, they’d never trust us so blindly. Oh god, blindly. I swear his eyes are fine!! I made him flush out his eyeball just in case.

In order to quell his fears, I resorted to the best parenting trick in the book—humour. I held the drops over his eye, pretending to squint to decipher the label. “Uh oh!” I said in feigned horror. “Good news, bad news. These aren’t ear drops…they’re rear drops! Oh well. Let’s just give these a try, shall we?”

He struggled to get away. Would you want rear drops in your eye? I’m not even sure what “rear drops” are. I wrestled him to the ground, tickling him and making silly bum bum jokes until he surrendered in fits of giggles.

Once properly assured I had EYE drops this time and not ear nor rear drops, trust was regained. Well, at least long enough to get the drops in.

The Top Five Movies to Watch While Infected:

Pretty In Pink Eye
The Pink Eyed Panther
Invictus Gets Conjunctivitis
Iris of Pink
Pink Eyes Wide Shut

Can’t find any of these titles? Not to worry, simply shut your eyes, relax and listen to anything by Pink.

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