Archive - August 2011

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Hump Day Is Exhausting
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Pink Eye—Read the Label Folks
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Lisa’s Lexicon
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The Lies We Tell As Special Needs Moms
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Wordless Wednesday – Avery’s Blue Period

Pink Eye—Read the Label Folks

We need a Hazmet team to disinfect this house. My husband is the latest victim of this itchy and ugly affliction called Pink Eye. I don’t need to explain how traumatic this has been in his eyes (I mean that both literally and figuratively). According to him, conjunctivitis is even more debilitating than a Man Cold. I know… My darling son itched his eye yesterday, just once, and I was on him with the drops before he could blink. I am hell bent to nip this mini-pandemic in the bud. Usually he’s very easy going about the eye drop insertion routine. This time however, he writhed and moaned and told me it stung. I poo-pooed his protests and carried on. This is when he really kicked up a fuss. “This feels different mom. I’m not kidding.” Seems I’d used ear drops by mistake. Just in the one eye. So that makes me only 50% negligent. right? When I got my hands on the correct drops and attempted to douse the second eye, I had to regain his trust. Silly kids. If they only knew that we’re basically just winging this whole parenting thing, they’d never trust us so blindly. Oh[…]

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Lisa’s Lexicon

Sometimes a word just fits. So what that you made it up and bastardized the English language in the process? If it gets your point across, does it really matter? Here are few words spewed forth from my keyboard that aren’t in the dictionary, but fabsolutely should be!  Blunderment: an awkward or embarrassing moment brought about by one’s own stupidity /“That fall in front of my child’s school was a blunderment of unspeakable proportions.” Fabsolutely: an exceedingly enthusiastic, yet sincere “Yes!” response / “Would I like to spend a child free day at the spa? Fabsolutely!” Manderpants: mens’ underwear, most often found inside-out on the bedroom floor / “I swear,if I find those manderpants on the floor one more time, I’ll stuff them up your nose.” Sapimental: a sappy, sentimental feeling or display of emotion resulting from nostalgia;  often includes “happy tears” or the “laugh/sob” / “Pass me a tissue. I’m feeling a little sapimental today.” Halloweiner: a husband who takes great pleasure from scaring innocent children on Halloween.  “I can’t believe you threw a severed leg at those kids! You are such a Halloweiner!”  Commfitment: a vow to get fit, like, for REALS this time. “I have made a serious commfitment. Pick me up for Zumba ok?[…]

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The Lies We Tell As Special Needs Moms

I told a lie about my child. You’re probably expecting a joke or a silly pun right about that. Not today.    I brought my daughter with me to the drugstore to buy eye drops (and shampoo and lip balm and a travel sized hairspray and milk. I need to get this impulse buying thing under control). As I stood in the skin care aisle (I also bought hand cream) Avery picked up various bottles and tubes and chattered away. Then she spontaneously hugged the guy who was stocking shelves next to us. She’s tactile and a hugger without boundaries, obviously.    All the while a young female clerk was casting glances our way. Later at the checkout that same clerk was organizing the magazines. She asked, “How old is she?” An innocent question, but one I’ve come to hate nonetheless. I understand why people ask. ALL THE TIME. They’re just trying to figure Avery out. She looks her age-ish physically, but her social graces and immature speech patterns make her appear much, much younger. “How old is she?” is an attempt to make sense of the disparity.    “How old is she?” asked the clerk. “She’s four,” I answered. […]

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