Salutation Humiliation

Do you ever think to yourself, “Self, why are you such a dork?
I do.
Like last week, as I enthusiastically waved at a friend across the vast veggie section the Super Store. The “friend” looked at me with one brow raised. This made me smile bigger and wave harder, as though by upping the ante, they’d recognize me. Well, it’s hard to recognize somebody when you’ve never met them. I was waving at a total stranger. How embarrassing though not quite as embarrassing as greeting someone’s wave with a toothy grin and happy return wave, only to realize they’re not waving at you, but the person directly behind you. 
My friend and I were discussing this humbling situation the other night and exchanged stories of past salutation humiliation. For the rest of the night I waved at her from across the room and when she smiled back, I shook my head and pretended to point to someone over her shoulder. It only took about 3 or 4 of these faux waves before she caught on. She’s one of my prettiest friends. 
Yesterday as I was returning from an appointment with my daughter, I decided to swing through the Tim Horton’s drive-thru for a treat. As we waited in line, I made eye contact with the sweetest brown eyes. There was my boy on his weekly after-school date with his Grandie (my MIL) inside the restaurant. He grinned and waved, excited to see his mummy and sister in the car outside. I smiled and waved back. And so did the man sitting directly in front of my son. He looked confused as if he didn’t know me….but still, he politely waved.
I’m not cruel. I didn’t point over his shoulder to identify the true recipient of my affection. It’s not necessary to embarrass someone on purpose. Unless of course it’s a friend of yours— then you’re actually required to embarrass them as often as possible.
As I drove away I’m sure he wondered how he knew me and so I laughed…and nearly choked on a Tim Bit. Damn Karma.

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