Tag - just for fun

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All About Pooh
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Wordless Wednesday–Overwhelmed
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Wordless Wednesday — Burr It’s Getting Cold Outside
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Hoarse Whisperer
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Which Mom Are You?
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Make A GIF in a Jiffy
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Whose Kids Are These Anyway?
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Pranksta
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MY BUCKET LIST…but not exactly
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Just Bitchin’

All About Pooh

  Some days are so full of crap that even when viewed through rose coloured glasses, everything still has a distinctly brown tint. When we arrived at my son’s first swimming lesson, we learned it had been cancelled due to a “pool fouling.” Um, gag. When we got home, I got down and dirty in the backyard picking up the ample evidence that we own two healthy dogs. Avery came outside to “help” but was promptly sent back inside. This kind of KP duty isn’t suited for child labour. Clearly her boot hit a land mine on her way back in, as evident by the brown smear across the kitchen floor. But alas, the sun was still shining so we headed back out to soak up some more vitamin d. Avery drove her new Powerwheels jeep to the park. She managed to stay on the sidewalk half the time. The other half, she was off-roading over people’s lawns, collecting canine fecal samples for blocks. People, just because it’s winter, this does not mean you are excused from stooping and scooping!  As I cleaned the tires mired in ick, Avery ran inside to take care of her own pressing business. Like[…]

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Hoarse Whisperer

Source No matter how quiet my husband attempts to be in the morning, he may as well be banging a gong over my head because I can hear his every move. As he leans over to say goodbye as he does every morning, he whispers ever so loudly. The dude has the loudest whisper ever. The volume of his daytime talking voice is much quieter and less jarring than his whisper yell.   Of course when I point this out, he laughs and whispers even louder. I married a smart-ass hoarse whisperer.   At least most mornings this rude awakening occurs at a reasonable hour. Most mornings, but not today. This morning my dear husband got up and showered at 4:45 AM. It seems somebody didn’t turn his watch back an hour. DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME WAS TWO WEEKS AGO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Now look who’s whisper yelling.

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Which Mom Are You?

Sometimes play groups or the park can feel like a Mompetition. We all think we know what’s best for our kids, but judging, scolding, one-upping? Stop it. That mom on the left is just asking for a swift kick to the ovaries.  “Goldfish crackers, Dora’s Spanish lessons, killing seals…” Just put a terry cloth sweatband on my head and I’m the mother on the right. 

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Make A GIF in a Jiffy

My friend Sharon sent me an email that nearly made me fall over laughing. She had taken a series of photos of me, from the time we went to trampoline school, and transformed them into a GIF. So it was me, only bouncier. Of course, I needed to know how she did this. Commence Googling. Turns out, it’s easy. If Sharon and I can do it, you can too.  Why would you ever need a GIF? I have no idea. But it makes me laugh, so there’s that. Here’s How To Make Your Own Free and Easy GIF in a Jiffy.   Go to www.makeagif.com Upload your photos Arrange them in whatever order you like Set the speed  Create (and then share with me because I want to see!)

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Whose Kids Are These Anyway?

  Your children have the power to make you weep with joy and puff with pride. They also have the power to embarrass you beyond belief. Last week my daughter had an appointment with her cardiologist; a very nice man whose office Avery mistook for a playground. She was a holy terror opening drawers and slamming doors. The only way I could concentrate on what the doctor was saying was to hold her, bouncing her on my hip. This tactic did the trick until she decided to investigate down my top. Maintaining a serious conversation while a third party has a sticky hand wedged in your cleavage is challenging. Without warning my daughter grabbed my shirt and bra in an iron-like grasp and pulled them both swiftly to the side, giving the doctor an eyeful. I’m sure only look out of professional interest as the left side of my chest was exposed, which everyone knows is where the heart is located. I basically died. On our next outing we popped into the mall to check out the new spring fashions. While I was ogling a pretty floral skirt, Avery who was strapped into her stroller, reached out to fondle a[…]

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Pranksta

I come from a long line of fools who value a silly practical joke more than water or air. Growing up, my parents were always joking and getting their silly on; like the time my mom secretly sewed bells into the inside of my dad’s bowling pants. He made it as far as the front door when his jingly nethers stopped him in his tracks. I still have no clue what that was all about, but I do know my parents laughed until they cried. At teacher’s college, I lived in a dorm with a fabulous group of chicks who knew how to execute a prank and there were pranks aplenty let me tell you. Looking back now at our dumbassery, I find it hard to believe that today we’re teachers.  My friend Jen was a frequent victim. She herself is a prankster-savant and is the type of person who can make you laugh and keep you laughing until you literally fall down. I know this from experience. She’d been to Florida over the term break where she borrowed some random guy’s coke bottle glasses to use as a prop in a ridiculous photo. Why? For a laugh of course.[…]

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MY BUCKET LIST…but not exactly

  I love the idea of writing a bucket list – things you want to do before you kick the bucket. It’s not as easy as you’d think. I tried. I really did. But them I got frustrated and wrote a Fucket List of traits to nix before I kick the bucket. Here they are in no particular order: 1. Stop obsessing over how the weather is going to affect my hair and just go out into the elements and live my life. Do animals give a shit what their fur is doing? No. Humans are stupid. It’s only hair! 2. Stop feeling guilty about every little thing. I’m not even Catholic. 3. Quit worrying about my car, my house, my clothes. Material things DO NOT matter. I know this, I just need to believe it. 4. Stop trying to control everything (people, schedules, household tasks, life) all the time. 5. Seeking the approval of others is pointless. Suck it up ya sensitive pansy and just get on with it. 6. Envy is ugly. So what if she’s a better writer, or he’s wittier or she’s thinner or more in shape or more successful or….fucket. Does it matter? 7. As[…]

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Just Bitchin’

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother ~ Meredith Brooks I’m pretty even-keeled most of time. I never yell and rarely pitch a fit. I’m generally easy going, unless I’m over-tired. Or super hungry. Throw in a few hormonal spikes and I can be… unpleasant.  At first I get quiet. Which is abnormal. Eerie even. This is a warning sign. Then comes that hyper, giddy, everything is hilarious, burst of energy you have before you crash and that, right there, is when I can become a bit of a bitch. And who is in my line of fire? Surely not my children. They’re too young and innocent to face my wrath full force. No. It’s my closest friend. My soul mate. The one who is legally bound to me until death do we part. Here are the ten things he does to drive me over the edge. Poor man, but he knew what he was in for when he married me.  1. Slurping any liquid. He’s doing it right now as I’m writing this. It’s all I can do not to wrestle that mug away from his grasp and bash him over the head with[…]

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