Just Add Salt…


If a girl has PMS she’s going to crave a salty snack.

If she craves a salty snack she will rifle through the cupboards in search of a snack like chips or crackers.

If she rifles through the cupboards looking for a snack she’ll remember that she committed to a ridiculous agreement with her husband—something about no junkfood in the house.

If she remembers there’s no junkfood she’ll have a hormonal hissy fit.

If she has a hissy fit she’ll look to the sky and curse out of anger.

If she looks to the sky she’ll notice a jar of popcorn kernels on the top shelf of the cupboard.

If she notices the popcorn kernels she’ll smile and set up the air popper.

If she sets up the air popper she’ll look for the large popcorn bowl.

If she looks for the large popcorn bowl she won’t find it because it’s in her child’s bedroom filled to the brim with Rainbow Loom elastics.

If the bowl is filled with Rainbow Loom elastics she will use a smaller bowl.

If she uses a smaller bowl kernels will fly out all over the counter and onto the floor.

If kernels fly out onto the floor she’ll try to pick them up and burn the shit out of her fingers.

If she burns the shit out of her fingers she’ll curse again but get over it quickly because she’s excited about the popcorn.

If she’s excited about the popcorn she’ll look for butter to melt to make the popcorn extra tasty.

If she looks for butter to melt she’ll realize they no longer have butter, only “soy butter” because it’s healthier.

If she uses soy butter instead of real butter she’ll find that it doesn’t taste quite the same.

If it doesn’t taste quite the same it won’t actually matter because…

….if a girl has PMS she’ll basically eat anything as long as it has enough salt.

The End. *licks salty soy buttery fingers*

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