Pee And Electrodes Don’t Mix


So I hurt my back last week. Wearing flip flops. You know you’re old when…

But I digress.

My crooked spine is now in the firm hands of my chiropractor,  “Dr. Al Lignment.” After a few adjustments and a ample amount of yelling, I seem to be BACK to normal. Relatively speaking.

I walked into my chiro’s office yesterday like the biped I was born to be. It felt great to be able to walk again without cursing; quite a nice relief for everyone within ear shot really.

As I jumped up onto the torture table (Al says he doesn’t like it when I call it that, but I know he’s kidding. Quite a sense of humour that guy. Totally cracks me up. #ChiroPun) I announced, “My back is totally better!!”

“No, no it’s not,” Al replied.

“Apparently” I’m not some kind of miracle case and my back, though now realigned, still needs time to fully heal. Bah.

It’s not that I don’t like going to see Al. I’m not afraid of the spine cracking. Even the neck cracking — bring it. It’s the time and the cost that hurt. Also, having to bring along my five year old is rather painful. Yesterday as I lay on the table, hooked up to a machine by wires stuck to my lower back sending electrical pulses into my decrepit muscles, my daughter announced she had to pee. Of course.

Mind you, she may have mentioned it earlier, but due to a rash of “cry wolf” incidents, I ignored her.

Trapped, like a taser victim, I lay on the helpless on the table while I watched as my child peed her pants. And the carpet. Just then my cell phone rang, just out of reach. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you I have my phone set to the loudest, most annoying ring possible. I urged Avery to go fetch mummy’s phone but since her pants we now down around her ankles, she was temporarily hobbled. That’s when I heard a woman in the hallway say, “…what an awful ring.” I can only assume she meant my phone. However, the receptionist DID just get engaged…

Anyway, what have I learned from this?

1. Flips Flops are Satan’s sandals
2. Stretch!
3. Wear fancy underpants when you go to a chiropractor.You’re gonna feel old enough getting your spine cracked and you don’t need granny pants confirming your age.
4. Pack extra underwear for your child and bring it with you wherever you go.
5. Being a vertebrate is hard work.

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