Wait…That May Not Be Chocolate

Know what pisses me off? Running to the bathroom after filling a shriveled bladder with vast amounts of green tea only to find somebody (I won’t mention any names, but she’s blonde and lives in my house) has peed on the seat. You frantically grab a wad of toilet paper to mop up the mess so you can take your rightful spot on the throne, but your bladder has already started the downloading process. It’s that whole Pavlovian thing in action. So you wet your pants. And for no good reason. It’s not like you were having fun and laughing so hard you peed a little.

Sorry. I’ve got pee on the brain, so to speak. These days our household is consumed with pee. And poop. We’re in the midst of potty training booty camp.

DS was fully potty trained by the age of two. It took a week. I used a cleverly organized sticker system and Potty Champ reward chart. I was the one who deserved a reward…for super stellar parenting. Seriously? I was a fool. DS was just a good pee-er. It had nothing to do with me. At all. My daughter has made that abundantly clear. She’s four and still in a diaper. Granted, communication issues and gross motor delays make potty training more challenging. But it’s not just that. She just doesn’t care about my stupid rewards. Stickers? She laughs in the face of stickers. She’d pee on my stupid stickers if she could. The system is based on delayed gratification – pee and get one sticker, do a number two and get two stickers. fill up the chart and get a toy. This diaper clad kid doesn’t quite get that concept. She needs immediate gratification, beyond the thrill of big girl underpants or making her mother’s life easier or course. Candy seems to be the ticket.

She gets a yellow candy for a pee and a brown candy for a poop.

Are the colours significant? Hell yes.
Does DD understand this? Not at all.
Is this sheerly for my own amusement? Yep-ah.
Did she eat all of those jelly-beans thus demonstrating an abundance of pee successes? Yes!
Did she eat all of those chocolates? Um, nope. That was me. She’s earned…one. What? I needed the sugar boost. Booty Camp is draining.

We’ve been at this for nearly a week and there have been both successes and messes. Big, moist, steamy messes. But we’ll keep at it. Junior Kindergarten starts in a few weeks. I know her EA will change diapers if necessary, but that’s not really the issue. A diaper is just one more thing that will set my child apart from her peers. So I guess, it’s more MY issue right now. DD will “get it” when she’s ready. Until then, she’s as happy as a pig in…well, you know….

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