just for fun Archives - Page 5 of 6

Which Mom Are You?

Apr 10 2012

Sometimes play groups or the park can feel like a Mompetition. We all think we know what’s best for our kids, but judging, scolding, one-upping? Stop it. That mom on the left is just asking for a swift kick to the ovaries. “Goldfish crackers, Dora’s Spanish lessons, killing seals…” Just put a terry cloth sweatband on my head and I’m the mother on the right.

Apr 08 2010

Your children have the power to make you weep with joy and puff with pride. They also have the power to embarrass you beyond belief. Last week my daughter had an appointment with her cardiologist; a very nice man whose office Avery mistook for a playground. She was a holy terror opening drawers and slamming doors. The only way I could concentrate on what the doctor was saying was to hold her, bouncing her on my hip. This tactic did the trick until she decided to investigate down my top. Maintaining a serious conversation while a third party has a sticky hand wedged in your cleavage is challenging. Without warning my daughter grabbed my shirt and bra in an iron-like grasp and pulled them both swiftly to the side, giving the doctor an eyeful. I’m sure only look out of professional interest as the left side of my chest was exposed, which everyone knows is where the heart is located. I basically died. On our next outing we popped into the mall to check out the new spring fashions. While I was ogling a pretty floral skirt, Avery who was strapped into her stroller, reached out to fondle a[…]

Feb 09 2010

I come from a long line of fools who value a silly practical joke more than water or air. Growing up, my parents were always joking and getting their silly on; like the time my mom secretly sewed bells into the inside of my dad’s bowling pants. He made it as far as the front door when his jingly nethers stopped him in his tracks. I still have no clue what that was all about, but I do know my parents laughed until they cried. At teacher’s college, I lived in a dorm with a fabulous group of chicks who knew how to execute a prank and there were pranks aplenty let me tell you. Looking back now at our dumbassery, I find it hard to believe that today we’re teachers. My friend Jen was a frequent victim. She herself is a prankster-savant and is the type of person who can make you laugh and keep you laughing until you literally fall down. I know this from experience. She’d been to Florida over the term break where she borrowed some random guy’s coke bottle glasses to use as a prop in a ridiculous photo. Why? For a laugh of course.[…]

Sep 18 2009

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother ~ Meredith Brooks I’m pretty even-keeled most of time. I never yell and rarely pitch a fit. I’m generally easy going, unless I’m over-tired. Or super hungry. Throw in a few hormonal spikes and I can be… unpleasant. At first I get quiet. Which is abnormal. Eerie even. This is a warning sign. Then comes that hyper, giddy, everything is hilarious, burst of energy you have before you crash and that, right there, is when I can become a bit of a bitch. And who is in my line of fire? Surely not my children. They’re too young and innocent to face my wrath full force. No. It’s my closest friend. My soul mate. The one who is legally bound to me until death do we part. Here are the ten things he does to drive me over the edge. Poor man, but he knew what he was in for when he married me. 1. Slurping any liquid. He’s doing it right now as I’m writing this. It’s all I can do not to wrestle that mug away from his grasp and bash him over the head with[…]

Jul 08 2009

What do Spielberg’s Poltergeists 1, 2 and 3, White Noise starring Michael Keaton and the horror flick, The Ring all have in common? Creepy scenes involving a television! Growing up I was warned that T.V. was bad for me, but I thought that meant my eyeballs would implode if I sat too close. I had no idea that ghosts could burst out of the screen and that television was…evil. For years I ignored the warnings and lived dangerously. I watched Donny and Marie, The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. Sure, Donny and Marie’s relationship was somewhat unnatural, but it wasn’t “supernatural.” The Love Boat? Now what could be evil about an amorous ship? Maybe Doc was a little too touchy-feeling at times, but that’s not evil. Unless of course, he touched his patients inappropriately. And Fantasy Island? No wait, that show WAS evil. On so many levels. As I sprouted into a more discriminating couch potato, I enjoyed such non-evil classics as Silver Spoons, Family Ties, Growing Pains. The Wonder Years, and Roseanne. All perfectly pleasant and moral. Okay Roseanne could be foul at times, especially during that whole Tom Arnold spell, but I wouldn’t say she was evil (Though when[…]

Tag - just for fun

Which Mom Are You?

Whose Kids Are These Anyway?

Pranksta

Just Bitchin’

Do They Have HBO in Hell?