Fatherly Funnies: The Corniest Dad Jokes Ever

Dads are funny. At least they think they are. My husband believes he’s hysterical. The kids and I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise. He usually butchers the punchline by mixing it up with the ending of a completely different joke or by losing the plot altogether. Or he laughs so hard at himself that he can’t even get to the end. And THAT my friends, is hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious, here are some hilarious “dad jokes” for you to share this FATHER’S Day. 

Warning: The word ‘hilarious’ has been used loosely. Consider these groaners as a little payback for being subjected to awful dad jokes over the years. Not to mention being exposed to those hideous black socks and sandals. 


1. What did the daddy buffalo say to his boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.  

2. How do you make your dad’s handkerchief dance? Put your boogie in it. 

3. Mom: “How do I look?” Dad: “With your eyes.”

4. My dad walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and said, “I’ll have a drink and take one for the road.”

5. Dad: “Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Sometimes I let her sleep.”

6. My dad bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said, “Are you going to put it up yourself?” My dad said, “Don’t be disgusting. I’m going to put it in the living room.”

7. My dad is so generous that he gave away all of his old batteries, free of charge. 

8. What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A popsicle.

9. Why did the dad dump ground beef on his head? He wanted a meatier shower.

10. What did the psychiatrist say when the dad walked into the office wearing a suit made of plastic wrap? I can clearly see you’re nuts. 

11. Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his dad was a wafer so long!

12. My dad got so excited about planting the garden that he wet his plants.


*Originally posted on YMC

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