I’m on my way out to buy ingredients for a full-on Christmas dinner. In May. And I need Christmasy cookies and eggnog if I can find it. I realize this is weird and probably impossible, but when you screw up royally and nearly ruin future Christmases, AGAIN, you do whatcha gotta do.
*Updated… you won’t find Christmas desserts in May, so your husband will have to bake gingersnaps. They’ll taste awful because he’ll use buckwheat flour and half the sugar to make them healthier. Ew. You’ll eat one and fake fawn over it to make your daughter happy, but you’ll stifle a gag.
We’re celebrating Christmas in May because of the penguin. Let me explain…
We have a stuffed penguin named Quacky. He’s our family’s version of the “Elf on the Shelf.” I’ll spare you the ridiculous story. Let’s just say we misinterpreted the concept and made up our own version.
This morning, Avery put on her Elf movie t-shirt, just because she loves it. This inspired her to search for her dad’s Christmas sweater. Upon digging through his sweater drawer she discovered Quacky, hiding in the back.
Oh holy night.
With a quivering chin she brought him to us and asked why he was here. Why had Santa left him behind?!
I avoided all eye contact and remained uncharacteristically silent.
Thankfully her dad rose to the occasion and saved the day.
He told her Quacky knew she had put on her Christmas t-shirt. He explained that the elfin penguin could sense that we all needed a pick-me-up, so he returned for one night to cheer us up with some holiday cheer. (Who knew penguins were so intuitive?)
With this information she hooted with glee and started planning our “feast” and festive activities.
And this is why I was suddenly combing the grocery store for holiday treats.
After Christmas dinner, a few rounds of off-key carols, and an episode of Mr. Bean’s Christmas, we exchanged gifts (chocolate bars I bought as an after-thought during my festive shop). Then with a final hug, she said goodnight and good-bye to Quacky. He returned to the North Pole until Christmas. Or, like July, when his sh*tty hiding spot is discovered once again.
May-rry Christmas everyone!
FYI Easy Christmas Dinner On The Fly:
whole cooked chicken (aka “tiny turkey”), falafel balls for the vegetarian kid, pre-made mashed potatoes from the deli, packaged gravy, baby carrots, black olives, apple pie and awful gingersnaps