September 2014 - Forever In Mom Genes

Say “Eye” If You’ve Had An Eye Exam Lately

Sep 15 2014

Last night I stood in front of our full-length mirror and took a hard look at myself. “You know,” I said to my husband, “I see an old woman. My face is wrinkling, my body is succumbing to the effects of gravity, my hair is greying and I have age spots.” Disgusted, I turned to my husband and said, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better.” He thought for a minute and said, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.” Okay, that didn’t actually happen. My husband values his life too much. No, that was just a little humour preceding the serious topic of eye health. I guess you could say it was “vitreous” humour. (I’m so glad I paid attention in high school biology so I could make that joke.) But seriously, the topic of losing your sight is no laughing matter. Did you read “The Fault In Our Stars?” It’s a beautifully written, but tragic story. When one of the characters loses his vision due to eye cancer, I could easily imagine how frightened he must have been. When I sneak into my sleeping child’s room at night to kiss her forehead, as I feel[…]

Sep 12 2014

I’m forty-four not eighty-four so why do I feel like I should be joining a senior centre and doing needlepoint? Being diagnosed with a bunion has the power to age you faster than 48 consecutive hours in a tanning bed. I know there are worse things. Much worse things. But this one thing makes me cringe. And wince! A bunion can be painful—like wake you up from a sound sleep, achy, throbby kind of painful. I’m currently tiptoeing into the primary stage. I can’t wait to get to tertiary because that looks like some sexy fun doesn’t it? If you happen to be looking for some hot pictures, forget the porn and just Google “bunions.” My god, my eyes. Disgusting bunions aside, people—cut your toenails! You might also want to hide your feet from cameras forever. Or just spare us the horror and put on some socks. The word BUNION itself sounds awful. The medical term, hallux abducto valgus is no better. Valgus? Val-dis-gus-ting. Bunions are a physical deformity. So, I’m deformed. Awesome. They are “characterized by a lateral deviation of the great toe, often erroneously described as an enlargement of bone or tissue around the joint at[…]

Sep 05 2014

This is what I do upon occasion whilst I’m supposed to be working or cleaning my house or grocery shopping or god forbid, exercising. I visit the countless random thoughts in my head and jot them down. I also, upon occasion, use the word whilst. 1. Recently I wrote about how we all eventually fall prey to the dreaded mom cut. So what do I go and do anyway? I get clipped despite my own warning. I was going for more ‘Julianne Hough’ than mom cut. Preeeeeeetty sure I nailed it. Wait, why are you sniggering? I can’t even properly evaluate what’s going on on my head at the moment. I woke up and immediately pulled my hair back into a stump of a ponytail. I’m a creature of habit. My friend laughed at me because I didn’t know who Julianne Hough actually is. She’s the host of that dancing show on t.v. This is what happens when you don’t have cable. I’m the one on the right. Just in case you didn’t know because Jules and I are basically twins. I’d better put on a hat. The last thing I need is the paparazzi following[…]

Archive - September 2014

Say “Eye” If You’ve Had An Eye Exam Lately

Bunions and Breakouts: This is 40

Random Thoughts In My Head