Tag - Just Ridiculous

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Tired Of Loafing Around
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Dicknose
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Pranksta
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Never Met a Karaoke Machine I Couldn’t Knock Over
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How Could I Forget This Family Photo?

Tired Of Loafing Around

I’m a social creature. By that I don’t mean I need to entertain all the time (though I do enjoy hosting a party now and then and I write about that all up in here). I mean, I like to be near people at all times. If my husband is late coming home from work, I’ve been known to press my face up against the window, willing him home, like some lonely housebound cat. I don’t mind being alone. In fact, I revel in it some times. I just much prefer the company of other warm blooded mammals of the human variety. The past few days, I’ve been trapped at home with the flu. My children are good company, but after a while, their social graces and conversational skills wane. So my brief excursion out this evening was welcomed. I was finally out among my peeps! So what if my big outing was merely to the grocery store? I went with it. I chatted with the produce guy. Our conversation may have only consisted of, “Excuse me, where are the mushrooms?” but it was a start. The dude in the meat department wasn’t very chatty. I tried to engage him[…]

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Dicknose

  Eons ago on a date with a new boyfriend, we took his three year old nephew to the park. I was anxious to demonstrate my maternal side, so I pushed the little tyke on the swings, chased him enthusiastically through the grass, climbed the play structure with him and carried him piggy back style rambunctiously across the park. I was sure I’d look up to find my boyfriend watching me admiringly, imagining me as the mother of his future children. How could he not? I was busting my motherly hump. Did I mention the back breaking piggyback thing? When my boyfriend asked his nephew his opinion of the new girlfriend, the little wiseguy replied, “She’s a dicknose. Excuse me? A dicknose says what? Fine. He was three and apparently this was his new thing—he called everyone a dicknose. Stellar parenting on my-never-to-be-sister-in-law’s part by the way. Sorry, too judgey? (In my defense, the child called me a dicknose!) Alas this boyfriend and I never married nor had a brood of babies. Turns out, the dicknose kid’s uncle was a dickhead. Sigh.That guy did a number on me. If only I knew in my twenties what I now know in[…]

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Pranksta

I come from a long line of fools who value a silly practical joke more than water or air. Growing up, my parents were always joking and getting their silly on; like the time my mom secretly sewed bells into the inside of my dad’s bowling pants. He made it as far as the front door when his jingly nethers stopped him in his tracks. I still have no clue what that was all about, but I do know my parents laughed until they cried. At teacher’s college, I lived in a dorm with a fabulous group of chicks who knew how to execute a prank and there were pranks aplenty let me tell you. Looking back now at our dumbassery, I find it hard to believe that today we’re teachers.  My friend Jen was a frequent victim. She herself is a prankster-savant and is the type of person who can make you laugh and keep you laughing until you literally fall down. I know this from experience. She’d been to Florida over the term break where she borrowed some random guy’s coke bottle glasses to use as a prop in a ridiculous photo. Why? For a laugh of course.[…]

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Never Met a Karaoke Machine I Couldn’t Knock Over

I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but I LOVE to sing. I feel sorry for the audience mind you, as they sit politely listening (at first), ears bleeding, tears running down their faces. Why didn’t they run when they had the chance? My first experience with the Japanese art of Karaoke came at a late age. I was in my 20s tending bar at a popular nightclub that featured Karaoke Night every Tuesday. How I longed for Tuesdays. I’d finish my shift, apply fresh lip gloss, submit my name and song choice and wait with great anticipation. Nothing could stop me (outside of the be-muscled bouncers) from getting up on stage and belting out a tune in my most off-key voice. In my mind, I was Bette Midler circa 1979, singing the Rose with all the feelings. Have you ever been booed and told, “You suck. Shut up!” I have. I even have the humiliation preserved on video tape. After briefly dating the guy who ran the Karaoke operation (it ended on a sour note, so to speak) my microphone was silenced. A few years later however, at teacher’s college in a small town in Maine, USA, I[…]

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How Could I Forget This Family Photo?

  I did succumb to the guilt of going behind my “deer” husband’s back to post that picture of him wearing elf tights. I have since removed it. However…while going through my photos to select a picture for another post, I came across this geeky gem. I can’t believe that I had forgotten about Christmas 2007! I also can’t believe they agreed to this after the elf catastrophe of 2006!! Was there a similarly ridiculous shot taken to commemorate Christmas of 2008? Not on your life. Hubby put his socked (no tights) foot down and flat out refused. Grinch.

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