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Whose Kids Are These Anyway?
2
Honestly Me
3
Better
4
Medicine Cosy
5
Juggles The Clown
6
“Heeler”
7
Pranksta
8
My My, What Sparkly Porridge You Have
9
Yummy Granola
10
The Case Of The Over-Acting Hands

Whose Kids Are These Anyway?

  Your children have the power to make you weep with joy and puff with pride. They also have the power to embarrass you beyond belief. Last week my daughter had an appointment with her cardiologist; a very nice man whose office Avery mistook for a playground. She was a holy terror opening drawers and slamming doors. The only way I could concentrate on what the doctor was saying was to hold her, bouncing her on my hip. This tactic did the trick until she decided to investigate down my top. Maintaining a serious conversation while a third party has a sticky hand wedged in your cleavage is challenging. Without warning my daughter grabbed my shirt and bra in an iron-like grasp and pulled them both swiftly to the side, giving the doctor an eyeful. I’m sure only look out of professional interest as the left side of my chest was exposed, which everyone knows is where the heart is located. I basically died. On our next outing we popped into the mall to check out the new spring fashions. While I was ogling a pretty floral skirt, Avery who was strapped into her stroller, reached out to fondle a[…]

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Honestly Me

Here are ten honest things about me… in no particular order 1. I’m sarcastic. Sometimes too much so. What? Like I’m the ONLY one? (See?) 2. My top left front tooth is a fakity, fake, fake. 3. I f*cking curse far more than a lady should. 4. I always imagined having three children. After Avery however, I chickened out. I sometimes mourn the baby that will never be. 5. I can’t do an accent of any kind to save my life, although to the chagrin of those in ear shot, I continue to try. 6. I have to say, “Drive safely” to anyone leaving my house AND I must blow a stray eyelash off my cheek while making a wish or something bad will happen. It’s exhausting controlling the fate of others let me tell you. 7. I like to be the one “in charge” at all times (number 6 makes more sense now doesn’t it?). It’s probably why I loved being a teacher. The teacher is always in charge. 8. I need a chemical peel on the backs of my hands. Why didn’t I slap on some sunscreen back in the day? Damn hindsight. Now I’m cursed with seventy[…]

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Better

My god I’m a useless sack of skin when I’ve had no sleep. Honestly. My brain don’t work so good. If I were smart, which I’m not, I’d go to bed instead of writing this. The thing is, I’m on “full alert” right now. Avery had two small seizures on Saturday and since she has a cold and is feeling unwell, I’m afraid that a “big one” is brewing. So I watch, with toothpicks propping open my lids. Last night, after going to bed at a sensible 12 am (see, told you I was dumb) Avery woke up at 2:45 am. And not just roused, but was UP and ready to rock, going full tilt until nearly 5 am. Being woken from sleep and forced to stay awake when your body is begging for rest is nothing short of torture. So today was a hazy blur. I went through the motions and managed to run some errands, get groceries and make new recipe for dinner. All pretty impressive considering my eyes were shut the entire time. When DS asked what was for dessert, I responded “Listen. Give me a minute. I’m doing my best okay?” To which he replied honestly[…]

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Medicine Cosy

I laughed when I opened the cupboard to dose out Avery’s meds for the day and discovered my husband had put one of the medicine bottles in a beer cosy. He reasoned that if one of us dropped the glass bottle the foamy sleeve would protect it. The irony of the statement inscribed on the cover did not go unnoticed however. I’ve been so consumed by the threat of seizures that I haven’t been focusing on the myriad of medical, genetic and developmental concerns. Now that we’re experiencing a bit of a reprieve ( six weeks seizure free), my attention has returned to researching and planning and of course, worrying. I know it’s futile to worry about the future and things which are out of my control, but with kindergarten looming, it’s hard not to fret. It’s also futile (and stupid) to make comparisons. I know this, but yet I can’t seem to help myself. I took Avery to a play date over the March Break and I was looking forward to a morning with three lovely girlfriends with whom I’d spent my last maternity leave. Our children are the same age and I’ve watched them grow from babies to[…]

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Juggles The Clown

It’s difficult being a juggler, keeping the balls and swords and flaming batons up in the air all at once. Lately, I’ve dropped most of the balls, been stabbed in the neck by an errant sword or two and my hair is currently aflame. It’s difficult being a parent on the best of days. Is my child eating well enough, gaining enough, drinking enough, pooping enough? Sometimes I just have enough of the enoughs. It’s difficult being the stay at home parent. I miss my job. I miss my old life. I feel guilty about that every day. It’s difficult making time to do the things that are not mummy related. To set aside the toys, to put down the dust cloth and to take pleasure in something that makes you feel like someone other than a cook/housekeeper/nurse/playmate/teacher/safety officer/mother. When I started this blog, its purpose was to document the birth of a home business – custom art for childrens’ rooms… PolkaDotGrove was a passion that both Sarah and I shared. She, because she is a true artist, in vision, talent and skill. Me? Mostly the vision part. I have ideas coming out the ying-yang. It’s the talent and skill[…]

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“Heeler”

Parenting a special needs child is challenging sometimes. Fortunately most days are rewarding and lovely. Yesterday was not one of those days. Yesterday was the first time in my history as a parent that I both raised my voice at my child and also slapped her hand. Not hard, but a slap nonetheless. I felt sick afterwards and still do. I’ve written about Avery’s recent diagnosis of Epilepsy and how frightening her seizures have been for our family. Because they often require medical intervention to stop them, they can be dangerous. This is why my husband and I take turns sleeping beside her in her room in case of an episode in the night. Needless to say, we come by the dark circles under our eyes honestly. Shortly after her last trip to the ER due to a particularly bad seizure, Avery came down with bacterial pneumonia. Call me crazy, but I’m convinced she picked it up at the hospital. She woke up one morning with a raspy voice and runny nose. No fever. I kept her home from preschool just in case. By 4 pm she was listless, had a temp of 104.6 and a respiration rate of 70[…]

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Pranksta

I come from a long line of fools who value a silly practical joke more than water or air. Growing up, my parents were always joking and getting their silly on; like the time my mom secretly sewed bells into the inside of my dad’s bowling pants. He made it as far as the front door when his jingly nethers stopped him in his tracks. I still have no clue what that was all about, but I do know my parents laughed until they cried. At teacher’s college, I lived in a dorm with a fabulous group of chicks who knew how to execute a prank and there were pranks aplenty let me tell you. Looking back now at our dumbassery, I find it hard to believe that today we’re teachers.  My friend Jen was a frequent victim. She herself is a prankster-savant and is the type of person who can make you laugh and keep you laughing until you literally fall down. I know this from experience. She’d been to Florida over the term break where she borrowed some random guy’s coke bottle glasses to use as a prop in a ridiculous photo. Why? For a laugh of course.[…]

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My My, What Sparkly Porridge You Have

I feel like Goldilocks living in this house filled with porridge lovers. I realize oatmeal is healthy and everything, but it’s gross. I’m a texture person. Porridge is a gruely mixture somewhere between vomit and lumpy soup. I’m not a big fan. Give me oatmeal cookies, crunchy oaty granola, even Hall and Oats, but keep your porridge to yourself. My husband (aka Papa Bear) continues to ignore my pleas and has been making a LARGE pot of oatmeal every morning. He eats it. The kids eat it. And I’m guilted into eating it. “It’s good for you! It’ll fill you up. Lower your cholesterol..blah, blah, blah…” he lectures. So, I’ve been a good Little Miss Muffet, eating what I’ve been given. Oh wait, Miss Muffet ate curds and whey, not porridge. Whatever. Equally disgusting. Yesterday, I drew the line when Papa Bear asked, “So? How is it?” “Fine” I muttered, “but I could do without the sparkly bits. What are those anyway?” “Oh ya. I tried to scoop out as much as I could.” Papa Bear explained. He had added the baggie of “Reindeer Food” (oats mixed with red, green and silver craft sparkles) Avery and I had made to[…]

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Yummy Granola

  I’ve been wearing Birkenstoks since before they became trendy. I’ve been known to hug the odd tree now and then. And, I LOVE granola. Here’s a tasty and healthy recipe that I make all the time courtesy of my BFF who lives in Vancouver so clearly, she is WAY more “granola” than I am. I buy most of these ingredients in bulk. The Bulk Barn now carries many organic items. Granola Crunch Makes 8 cups. Heat 1/2 cup of honey in a large pot. Once the honey has melted… Add: 1 cup oats 1 cup millet 1 cup sesame seeds 1 cup pumpkin seeds 1 cup sunflower seeds 1 cup sliced almonds 1/2 cup flax seeds (optional) 1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut 1/2 cup raisins or dried cranberries/blueberries 2 tsp vanilla extract 1 tsp cinnamon zest of one orange (optional) * I sometimes leave out the almonds and pumpkin seeds to make this granola more toddler friendly aka less “chokey” Mix until all ingredients are coated. At this point you can also add 1/2 cocoa powder for a chocolatey version. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and spread the granola out flat onto two cookie sheets and bake for[…]

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The Case Of The Over-Acting Hands

As you may know, our family had an elf living with us for the month of December. He was sent from the North Pole to keep an eye on things and to report back to Santa. Outside of a small altercation with the tooth fairy, things went smoothly and we were sad to see him leave us on Christmas Eve. We said our goodbyes and took comfort in knowing that we’ll see Quacky again next December. Our elf visitor took a seat beside the cookies and milk to wait for Santa to retrieve him. What happened next was truly astounding. We set the laptop webcam on record and went to bed. This is the incredible footage the children saw Christmas morning…Click Here: Santa’s Visit The kids were floored! Our son’s reaction was priceless. It nearly brought me to tears. Ah, to be young and to believe… That brilliant performance was given by my talented bro-in-law. Julian, thank you for making such a sweet memory for our kids (and for eating 16 cookies in the process). Julian had to step in because my husband, who came up with the video idea, could NOT perform without causing us to collapse in fits of[…]

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