Category - Uncategorized

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Are You Happy? If Not, Why?
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Stay Back! Hormone Zone Ahead
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Take Heed Neighbour! Don’t Get Burned!
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On The Eve Of Your Wedding…
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Crazy Dog Walking Lady

Are You Happy? If Not, Why?

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. What, no clapping? Aren’t you happy?!  Well, don’t let that make you sad because not many of us are consistently happy. According to the studies anyway. Science has us pegged as a sad sack of SOBs just trying to make it until cocktail hour.  My daughter however, she’s perpetually happy. She gleefully claps her hands all the time for no apparent reason. It’s like a happiness explosion where her joy just can’t be contained and the sudden burst of happy claps is a way to let it out.  I consider myself a very happy person, but I can’t say I feel “happiness explosion happiness” in adulthood very often. But alas, nobody is as happy as Avery. She doesn’t fit the typical mould. She doesn’t worry. She doesn’t know fear. And there’s zero hate in this kid’s world. It just doesn’t exist for her. I’d say she’s 90 per cent happy—9 per cent ‘meh’, when she’s tired or told, “No, you can’t host a play date right now.” And 1 per cent legitimate sorrow, usually when she’s missing a loved one. The rest of the time, bliss.  I get the sense[…]

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Stay Back! Hormone Zone Ahead

My hormones are wonky. Not in a cute, “Aw, she tears up at the idea of baby bunnies” way, but in a “Settle down shrew. I AM NOT breathing too loud, I’m just… breathing! Jesus.” sort of way. Apparently a few days a month Lisa leaves the building and a satanic, salt sucking, chocolate guzzlin’ troll takes her place. Last night for example, I was having a pleasant discussion with my spouse. One minute we were two adults chatting, laughing even—the next, the poor man said something I didn’t agree with so I spun on my heel and whipped opened the cupboard and grabbed a package of chocolate chips. I shoved a mittful into my mouth and fumed until I was ready to continue the conversion. What hell is this? If this is perimenopause, what is full-blown menopause going to be like? I am sincerely concerned. I’ve had this discussion with hordes of girlfriends and we’re all on the same page. Collectively we’re a happy, gregarious group who upon occasion and somewhat dependent upon the tides, can suddenly transform into something else—something dark and startlingly emotional. Add in a dose of insomnia (also associated with whacky hormones) and resulting sleep[…]

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Take Heed Neighbour! Don’t Get Burned!

I love snuggling up beside our gas fireplace during the winter. It’s the coziest. However, ever since the incident when our daughter backed up into the hot glass and scorched her leg, the unit has sat cold and flameless. Avery is now nine and she understands the concept of “danger” and “don’t touch that” and “it’s hot” so it’s safe to turn the gas back on and fire it up! When we flipped the switch this season, nothing happened. It’s was all very anti-climatic. My husband examined the fireplace innards which involved head scratching, random grunting noises, followed by some cursing—fun to watch, but not effective in terms of igniting my flame. My man is a lot of awesome things. A fireplace repairman is not one of them. On this quest for fire I hired a company take a look. The service guy arrived promptly and was polite and seemed efficient. He removed a decade’s worth of nasty spider webs and crud from the fireplace and cleaned the glass on the door. I paid for him to do this not knowing how easy it is to do myself. Dammit. He claimed the pilot assembly part was corroded and pointed to[…]

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On The Eve Of Your Wedding…

You are getting married tomorrow!! Holy *$%#!! Yesterday you were just a little thing, sitting on your big cousin’s lap… my tweed-gaucho-pant-lap. Let’s not even discuss the neon Aztec print sweater and banana clipped spiral perm. And now you’re all grown up, soon to be a bride. It breaks my heart that I’m not going to be there, Kels. But you know how thrilled we are for you and we’ll wing our way there one day. So put a shrimp on the barbie and have a few roos and crocs on standby for our arrival. I’m over the moon that both you and your sis have found such amazing partners—I couldn’t have handpicked better for you—kind, funny as hell, outdoorsy, super handsome—these guys are the full package. And it goes without saying how lucky they are to have found you. While we may not be there in person to watch you walk down the aisle, we’re cheering you on with so much joy and excitement as you venture down this life path—such a sweet path paved with so much love. And with that, here are a few words about this life contract called marriage—from my experience anyway. 1. Grandma Fraser[…]

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Crazy Dog Walking Lady

Have you seen Crazy Dog Walking Lady? Oh wait, there she is. *sees own reflection in a car window as she’s pulled along by a pack of dogs itching to get on with their morning pee* We have two dogs. Well, more like one and half since one small dog + one smaller dog add up to one whole dog with some extra fur left over. For the past month we’ve also had a guest dog. Her name is Jazz but we like to call her “Jazz Paws” while doing Jazz Hands in the air. She just stares at us blankly. Dogs clearly don’t understand Broadway references (unless you’re referring to the musical Cats. they love/hate that one).   Now that I’m seeing this photo up close, I have to say Jazz looks a tad “taxidermied.” She’s actually quite lively in person canine. Too lively even—this girl requires four walks a day. That’s a lot for a lazy bitch like me (not a curse word in dogspeak by the way). It’s impossible to teach dogs to use the toilet Jazz also refuses to use the yard. To date, nary a droplet of her pee has graced our lawn. So even[…]

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