Category - Stories

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Dexter Who?
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Cowboys and Seahawks
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See You Next Tooth-Day
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Tired Of Loafing Around
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My Funny Head … Funny Weird, Not Funny Ha Ha

Dexter Who?

  We don’t have cable t.v.. You can read about why we’re such losers here. We DO have Netflix however and have been devouring the HBO show, Dexter. So disgusting and disturbing, and completely excellent. Of course, we only watch when the kids are asleep. God knows we don’t need to burden them with a life-long phobia of serial killers. I grew up out west when a very famous child murderer was on the loose….in our neighbourhood. Creeeeeeeeeepy. Yesterday my son said, “Doesn’t Avery remind you of Dexter?” Granted, she DID have blood red jam on her sweater but….!? “Uh, what do you mean?” I asked, horrified (was he only pretending to be asleep, but secretly listening in on our adult show??! Should I book his therapy sessions now?) “I mean, how she’s sneaky and doesn’t listen and is always getting into mischief? Remember? Like in Night At The Museum?” he explained. Oh, THAT Dexter! Yes. Yes she does. 🙂

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Cowboys and Seahawks

  “What would you like to do tomorrow?” I asked my daughter as we snuggled at bedtime. “Go to farm?” she asked. In this weather? Not a chance. But instead of stating this disappointing fact I asked, “What would you see at a farm?” “Sheep, cowboys, annnnnnnnd, Seahawks!” was her reply. Hmm, it seems our family ritual of making football picks has had an affect on this child. Every Sunday during football season, our family gathers ’round the table for a little friendly wagering. My husband reads out the competing NFL teams and we each predict the winners. Daddy has his own Proline card, there’s one for Grandpa, and the kids and I employ the majority rules method to compile our choices. My husband and my dad actually consider stats and other footbally factors. But the kids and I have our own surprisingly effective method for picking teams. Our selections are based on gut instinct, aka the “Kismet and Karma Method.” Here’s how it works (teams and rational for predicted winners): Carolina Panthers vs. New York Jets  Predicted Winner: Jets — There was a jet flying over head at that particular moment (as seen out the window).  New England Patriots[…]

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See You Next Tooth-Day

What is with my family’s inability to keep their teeth in their heads??? I knocked out a front tooth when I was four. The adult tooth eventually came in, but slowly over the years it turned brown, then black. I eventually had to have it replaced with a crown (or live life as a pirate). When my son was a toddler, he followed in my footsteps and knocked out a front tooth. Two actually. Turns out the two teeth were attached at the root. Show-off. The adult tooth came in and though it’s not brown, it came in so high his eye tooth is practically IN his eye. In keeping with our family tradition, my sweet girl fell face first into an ottoman—which is soft except for the 1x1mm metal stud she zeroed in on. Fortunately she didn’t lose a tooth, but it was wiggly. I took her to the dentist the next morning. We’d been to this office a few times before and didn’t care for the dentist or her staff. Sorry. For a pediatric dental clinic they were not great with kids. Especially kids with special needs. The minute we pulled into the parking lot my daughter began[…]

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Tired Of Loafing Around

I’m a social creature. I like to be near people at all times. If my husband is late coming home from work, I’ve been known to press my face up against the window, willing him home, like some lonely housebound cat. I don’t mind being alone. In fact, I revel in it some times. I just much prefer the company of other warm blooded mammals of the human variety. The past few days, I’ve been trapped at home with the flu. My children are good company, but after a while their social graces and conversational skills wane. So my brief excursion out this evening was welcomed. I was finally out among my peeps! So what if my big outing was merely to the grocery store? I went with it. I chatted with the produce guy. Our conversation may have only consisted of, “Excuse me, where are the mushrooms?” but it was a start. The dude in the meat department wasn’t very chatty. I tried to engage him in a convo about ground turkey versus ground chicken, but he didn’t seem that into it. Finally at the checkout (and here’s a glimpse of how loopy I become when I’m caged in[…]

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My Funny Head … Funny Weird, Not Funny Ha Ha

  So far Movember is going well…for my husband. His stache is filling in rather nicely, if you like the porn star look. As I sit here, wiping the sleep from my eyes, blowing my nose, and feeling an all over sense of ick, I can’t say my Movember has started off with a bang. My commitment, though made in earnest, is hobbling pathetically along, stopping frequently to pull up socks and catch its breath.    All hope of a healthy “No-phelgm-ber” have been dashed. My son, covered in a thin film of Vicks VapoRub and cold sweat, crawled into bed with me last night. He coughed and thrashed around and coughed some more. I got about eleven minutes of sleep.    I know this is a blip. We’ll rid this house of these vile germs and start fresh on Monday. I can’t give up on this, on me.   I matter to people. Specifically, the little people who live in my house and the guy with the porno stache.    I made a commitment to get healthy and fit, a “commfitment” if you will. I know, I know, what’s with the lame, clearly made up terms? I can’t help[…]

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