Category - humour

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Win The War On Warts
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Everyone Is Socially Awkward
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Are You An April Fool?
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Three Nurses Whose Secret Medicine Makes Them Exceptional
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Childhood Report Card Comments Still Stand Today

Win The War On Warts

There’s just no prettying up the topic of warts. As they say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. And now you’ve exposed yourself to hogwarts (that kills with the Harry Potter crowd). If you’re a parent chances are good you’ll be waging “wart war” at some point between nursery school and high school graduation.  Warning: This post is yet another disgusting peek into the world of gross ailments. (Did you read about my encounter with Shingles?) All warts are caused by Human Papillomavirus (HPV) however warts may vary in appearance and develop in different areas of the body. Common Warts—unsightly yes, but relatively harmless. They usually appear on fingers, hands, elbows and knees. They can take anywhere from six months to two years to go away on their own. My daughter had one on her knee that took ages to go away. I worried about that. I guess that makes me a “wart worry wart.” If you spot a small, hard, grey, pink or brown bumpy (like cauliflower) bump, that may have black pepper-like specks in it (Note to self: do not make seasoned roasted cauliflower for dinner ever again), then it’s probably a wart.  Flat Warts—tiny and flat, they often appear on the face but can crop up anywhere and possibly in a cluster. Filiform[…]

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Everyone Is Socially Awkward

Even the most self-assured people feel socially awkward. Nobody is 100% confident, 100% of the time. I’m coming to realize this more and more….we’re ALL socially awkward in some way. It just sticks out on some of us more than others.  I’m going to my thirty year high school reunion this weekend. I was telling everyone that I couldn’t believe I was 25 years out of high school. My friend corrected with me a jarring, “Idiot. It’s 30.” Great. I’m awkward AND old.  It’s going to be fun counting up all the awkward triangle moments. You know, when you end up in a conversation with two random people and it becomes awkward fast and you can’t escape.  Reunions are a funny thing. You WANT TO GO because it’s nostalgic and you’d love to see old friends face-to-face instead of just on Facebook.  But you DON’T WANT TO GO because what will you wear? What will you say? What if it’s awkward? News flash: It WILL be awkward. Not all of it, but parts. But it’s okay! We all feel it. And nobody has died from making an innocent social slip. You just feel like dying in the moment. But it passes. I[…]

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Are You An April Fool?

April Fools’ Day falling on Easter Sunday this year has thrown me off. I had to hide eggs and make bunny pancakes—I didn’t have it in me to execute any clever pranks too.  I’m not great at it anyway. Most of my family and friends claim they can see it coming from a mile away. So instead of fun pranks, here’s a random list of foolish ways to be a big ol’ fool in a daily life kind of way. Do any of the following if you want to be foolish AF.  1.Text and drive. 2. Cut your own hair. Especially after a glass of wine or three.  3. Take on more than you can handle. Just keep saying yes to everything until you pass out.  4. Put your health last.  5. Take people for granted.  6. Make up time lost by stealing “sleep” time. Sleep is for babies.  7. Never step outside your comfort zone. 8. Bail on as many social engagements as you can.  9. Skip exercise. Who wants to go getting all healthy and trim? 10. Send a text while you’re angry.  11. Gossip and spread rumours.  12. Compare yourself to others.  13. Sleep with your cell phone.   14.[…]

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Three Nurses Whose Secret Medicine Makes Them Exceptional

Back in University the nursing students were cool AF. As I rotated between sociology and anthropology lectures (not cool as anything) I admired them. They were good at science and not afraid of blood, needles or germs. Other than nursing a few hangovers, and “Nightingaling” my kids over the years, a career in nursing was never in the cards for me. Though nurturing by nature hospital smells have been known to make me faint. Plus science is like, really hard.  Thank god for nurses—qualified, kind-hearted, non-fainting souls—who have cared for my family over the years. As the parent of a child with disabilities, I’ve had my share of interactions with nurses—mostly positive. There were a few Nurse Ratchets, but I get why they’d be snappy at the end of a long shift dealing with needy sick people.  There are three nurses in particular who have made a lasting impression on me. They are all skilled professionally, but their secret medicine, humour, makes them exceptional.  Maternity Mayhem Nurse No disrespect to doctors, doulas and midwives—you folks know your way around a dilated cervix. But huge props go out to the amazing nurse who looked after us after the rather horrific birth of our[…]

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Childhood Report Card Comments Still Stand Today

My daughter is in grade five this year. She’s a Chatty Cathy who “sometimes” gets distracted in class by friends and fun. I have NO idea where she gets this from.  Oh wait, yes I do.  When my auntie Marg was visiting from B.C. this week, she brought along some old photos and report cards she found when she was sorting through boxes at my grandpa’s house.  She grinned expectantly when she handed me the report card. As I read it, I could see why.  “Reading and writing above grade level.” Can I add that to my freelance writing resume? “Mature attitude.” Well maybe for fifth grade. But I still have the same fifth grade attitude now.  “Accepts new challenges readily.” Do I? Do I really? Because I think I’m more of a, “Fine I’ll try but I don’t really want to” kinda gal.  “Lisa has become a little chatty in class.” This made me howl but it doesn’t surprise me. This was neither the first nor the last time a comment like this appeared on my report card.  “In mathematics, Lisa must learn to check her answers for careless errors.” Ha! Tell me about it. Numbers continue to mock me daily. This[…]

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