Category - Holidays

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Halloween Treats For Baking Cheats
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Ten Wishes
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The Truth Fairy
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My Little Valentino
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You Say Santa, I Say Satan. Potayto, Potahto..
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Tooth Fairy Meets The Elf

Halloween Treats For Baking Cheats

It’s not that I can’t bake. It’s just with all the precise measuring and following of directions I’d rather not. I’m more of a culinary free spirit.  But, when my daughter decided to throw a ‘Haunted Halloween Hip Hop Dance Party,” I knew we’d need wicked good (possibly baked) treats. I let my little party animal choose a few treats from Pinterest. Then I adapted them to make them as easy and baking-free as possible. I’m a witch like that. Here’s what I whipped up in my cauldron (aka double boiler which I haven’t used in a bat’s age):    Chocolate Bar Mummies: Unwrap mini chocolate bars (I used Coffee Crisps) and eat at least four.  Melt white chocolate or white candy melts (also called moulding wafers) in a double boiler. Do not look at the ingredients in candy melts. The horror…  Drag the melted candy over each chocolate with a fork (the tines make nice mummy wrapping lines) or drizzle.  Add two chocolate chip eyes.  Rice Crispy Monsters: Buy a box of rice crispy squares from Costco.  Eat as many free samples as you can before you check out.  Unwrap a dozen or so rice crispy squares and set aside. You[…]

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Ten Wishes

 I sang, “We three kings of Orientar” for ages until I realized that Orientar isn’t a place. I eventually figured out that “Paper Bag Writer” isn’t correct either. Seems I’ve been mangling song lyrics for decades. Anyway, the time my girlfriends and I rode camelback through the desert, I felt like one of the Three Kings of said song — we were three wise-ish woman on a quest. Sleeping under a blanket of stars, I made a wish and hoped it would come true. And it has. *looks toward my happy family* As Christmas day and the new year approach, I have new hopes and wishes… I wish: For her to always be loved and accepted for who she is. For him to continue to feel confident and loved.  For her to get the “all clear” … this is the news we all long to hear. For him to make the best decision because decisions like these are hard. For her to find her voice. For them to find their groove — to make a difference and feel important. For her to find love.  For him to find peace. For her to find a resolution. For him, I wish health[…]

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The Truth Fairy

How long is it acceptable for your child to believe in the Tooth Fairy? My son is nearly eight and fully believes a magical winged creature breaks and enters into our home to purchase his grungy teeth to add to her toothy collection. It’s a bizarre concept right?   Yesterday my son had four teeth extracted. Poor kid has been cursed with his mother’s toothy grin – too many teeth, not enough jaw. The dentist has a plan to make room for incomers to minimize the impending overcrowding. My boy was a little nervous, but the anticipation of the Tooth Fairy’s bounty overshadowed his fear.    Last night, after examining his tiny teeth for the umpteenth time, he carefully stowed them inside his tooth keeper and tucked it under his pillow. A few hours later, an extremely tired Tooth Fairy tippy toed (loudly) into his dark bedroom. I deftly (not even close) removed the tooth keeper and promptly dropped it on the floor. After retrieving the tooth case from under the bed, I stood up ready to make my escape but cracked my head on the underside of the bunk bed. FYI, the Tooth Fairy has a mouth on her[…]

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My Little Valentino

When I told my husband, when we first started dating, not to get me anything for Valentine’s Day because I don’t celebrate the Hallmark holiday, he was thrilled. No flowers, no chocolates, no dinner at a crowded restaurant?! He was pleased to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with love. I just don’t think it needs to be designated to a specific day. This morning though, when my son presented me with his handmade valentine, it really meant something to him. So naturally it meant the world to me, and it melted my cold, anti-Valentine heart. The funny thing is he’d “hidden” this craft in his room for over a week. I say hidden with a smirk, because kids are terrible at hiding things. I had to move it out of the way several times while I was dusting his room and putting away laundry. He had also made a valentine for his sister. I heard him in her room reading it aloud, “Happy Valentine’s Day Avery. I have always loved you.” Oh my god. The heartfelt gift inspired a super cute sibling hug. Followed shortly after by Avery tossing the valentine into the my bathroom sink[…]

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You Say Santa, I Say Satan. Potayto, Potahto..

  While the kids are out of the house today, I’m putting on my Santa hat. Actually, it’s more of a Satan hat to be honest. I’m pms-y and not in a festive frame of mind. I just cracked open a bag of Ruffles so things should improve once I ingest enough sodium. I’m trying to take advantage of the kid-free environment by wrapping ALL of the Christmas gifts. The thing is, I’ve hidden them all over the house and need to retrace my steps to find them. This would be funny except the pms-thing. I should really suck it up. I mean, Christmas is coming for Christ’s sake. Literally. hahaha.  Ok, that made me laugh.  Ahhh, the sodium must be kicking in. I love really do love Christmas. Everything about it. Minus the busy mall parking lots. Despise. This year is especially exciting since my youngest “gets” Santa for the first time. I asked her this morning, “Who’s coming soon?” She answered, “My grandma?” Well, yes. She’ll be coming. “But who else? Is Santa coming?” “Yessssss!” she exclaimed. “He bring pwezents.” Ahhh. You got that right girlfriend.  Budget be dammed. Santa is bringing you and your brother a pant load of presents.[…]

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Tooth Fairy Meets The Elf

Have you heard of the Elf on the Shelf? An elf is sent from the North Pole to keep an eye on the children of the house and report back to Santa. Currently we have an elfin house guest named “Quacky” (don’t ask…his name is a stupid story within a stupid story) living with us. Every night our son tucks Quacky into the little bed he made for him in his bookcase. Each morning, he wakes to discover the elf is missing. When the family is asleep, this inanimate elf becomes “real”. He sneaks out of bed and gets into all sorts of mischief. He also uses the phone to call Santa…long distance. Occasionally he uses my computer to shoot Santa an email update (I’m not sure, but I think he has also been logging onto some nasty elf porn sites). We are having a hoot moving the elf around the house and staging him in different scenarios before we go to bed (don’t you just LOVE the legit lies we’re encouraged to tell our children around the holidays?). The other night my husband and I were killing ourselves laughing at some of the completely inappropriate situations we thought about[…]

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