grief Archives - Forever In Mom Genes

Need Comfort? I’m Probably Not Your Best Bet

Mar 19 2014

Shortly before 6 AM on a Sunday morning our daughter came into our room sobbing. “I had a bad dream,” she cried. As she lay with us, the phone rang and we learned that my husband’s mum had passed away at 5:55 AM. Avery and her Grandie were so deeply connected in life, it makes sense to me that they were connected at the end. When a loved one dies it’s a blessing for them if it’s quick—to go without suffering. But for those left behind, it’s heart wrenching. So how do people get through it? There’s no right or wrong way. Actually, that’s not exactly true. When you’re trying to comfort your grieving husband, there things you should definitely not do. For example, the day my husband’s mum died we sat on the couch exhausted, unable to do anything but stare. Avery wanted to play but we just couldn’t. Then I remembered I’d picked up some movies from the library earlier in the week so I popped one in the DVD player to keep her occupied. When I noticed my mistake, it was too late. The movie I had chosen was Up! If you know the sentimental story,[…]

May 13 2012

When Heather lost her three year old son Zack, she didn’t stop being a mom. Though her heart was broken, Zack’s brothers needed her more than ever. So she embraced them and loved them as mothers do while she made a plan to keep a promise; the one she made to Zack and to herself as they said goodbye. She vowed to keep his memory alive and to have Elmo, Zack’s comfort and joy, speak his name. And that’s just what she did. Heather tirelessly raised money to create a room (two rooms in fact!) in Zack’s name at York Central Hospital. She also persevered until Kevin Clash (the puppeteer who IS Elmo) knew how much Zackie loved him. Kevin knows and he was touched. And Elmo did speak Zack’s name. Heather is healing with her family and she continues to tell Zack’s story, not only to keep his memory alive, but to help other families deal with the pain of losing a child.” Heather and I became friends online. We bonded over our special needs kids and soon discovered we had many other things in common. When my daughter was in hospital shortly after Zack died, Heather kept tabs on[…]

Apr 09 2012

When my friend Heather‘s son Zack passed away, every parent’s worst nightmare became a reality. But what Heather she chose to do with such insurmountable pain, is beautifully inspiring. Through her grief, Heather works to keep her boy’s spirit alive by celebrating him every day. So many of us have never met Zack, but we know him because his mama is always finding ways to share him with us. Heather has spoken at conferences and on television, sharing stories about Zack and her quest to raise money to build Zack’s Dream Room at York Central Hospital. Heather not only raised enough money to build this special room, but there are now two playful cosy rooms dedicated to making any child’s hospital stay more comfortable. Heather also shared Zack with his hero—Elmo. Kevin Clash reached out and made this message not only for Zack, but also to comfort those children who will be staying in one of Zack’s Dream Rooms. Heather wrote: My dream was for Elmo to know now much Zack loved him, and that one day he would say Zack’s name….this is the video that made my dreams come true. I only wish were here to see it all and celebrate with[…]

Jun 27 2011

Many of my friends and family who read this blog have asked how Heather, Zack’s mom, is doing. I can’t assume to know how she copes on a day to day basis, but the Heather I see is courageous and kind. She is an amazing mother and friend and one fiercely determined lady. She is moving forward one day at a time, but she never forgets to look back. Heather was on the CBC speaking eloquently and thoughtfully about the loss of a child and she continues to share Zack with us through her writing. This weekend our family attended “Zack’s Family Dream Day” at Lionel’s Farm. This is one of the many fundraising events spearheaded by Heather. This day was intended not only to raise money for Zack’s Dream Room, but to honour Zack’s memory by spending time with friends and loved ones at a place that meant so much to Zack and his family. Heather took a few minutes away from her “farm duties” and spoke. She expressed her gratitude to those who helped make the incredibly successful day a reality. She also shared her thoughts about the day, and about Zack. She said the[…]

Apr 15 2011

Forget the babbling brook, I’m a rambling river. I’m not sure why I feel compelled to tell people everything. Maybe it’s the need to vent, to seek feedback, validation, advice, a laugh. Who knows? But if loose lips sink ships, I should really have my own personal Coast Guard. I may over-share on a regular basis within my social network (and the occasional innocent bystander at the grocery check-out) but I am able to curtail my TMI tendencies when it comes to my kids. Children hang on our every word. WHAT we say and HOW we say it—it’s our job to try to insulate our kids from worry, horror, despair, and unthinkable sadness. We can’t completely shelter our children from the harsh realities of life. But if possible we can try to shield them from the really scary sh*t so they can feel safe and secure for as long as possible. This is why I chose initially not to tell my son that Zack passed away. The boys never met in person, but my son knew about Zack and his family. He knew Zack was Avery’s friend. He heard me speak about Zack’s parents. He knew[…]

Category - grief

Need Comfort? I’m Probably Not Your Best Bet

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Elmo For Zack

Bubbles For Zack

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