Category - family

1
Slap Those Spuds—Embarrassing Kids Moments
2
You Say Santa, I Say Satan. Potayto, Potahto..
3
Trail Traffic
4
Big Brother
5
How I Almost Ruined Christmas

Slap Those Spuds—Embarrassing Kids Moments

It was getting close to lunch so my dad and I decided to brave the Ikea cafeteria on a recent outing. Despite a few embarrassing kid moments (we always seem to cause a scene in the Ikea dining room) we gave it a go. The food is delicious and so inexpensive, it’s practically free.   We brought our meatballs laden plates to a table and sat down. My daughter Avery was fully engrossed in her mac & cheese until a couple walked past our table. The woman caught Avery’s attention. She caught mine too. She had to be in her seventies and was rocking skin tight pleather pants. You go girl. As her husband brushed past, Avery reached out and patted his bum (this was not the first time Avery has fondled a strange man’s bottom by the way). At least she didn’t grab his “meat balls!” 🙂   He whipped his head around and looked directly at me! “It was her, I swear!” I exclaimed pointing at the kid with the macaroni noodle stuck to her cheesy chin. He looked back and forth between us and I’m not convinced he believed me. Seriously dude. If I was going to[…]

Read More

You Say Santa, I Say Satan. Potayto, Potahto..

  While the kids are out of the house today, I’m putting on my Santa hat. Actually, it’s more of a Satan hat to be honest. I’m pms-y and not in a festive frame of mind. I just cracked open a bag of Ruffles so things should improve once I ingest enough sodium. I’m trying to take advantage of the kid-free environment by wrapping ALL of the Christmas gifts. The thing is, I’ve hidden them all over the house and need to retrace my steps to find them. This would be funny except the pms-thing. I should really suck it up. I mean, Christmas is coming for Christ’s sake. Literally. hahaha.  Ok, that made me laugh.  Ahhh, the sodium must be kicking in. I love really do love Christmas. Everything about it. Minus the busy mall parking lots. Despise. This year is especially exciting since my youngest “gets” Santa for the first time. I asked her this morning, “Who’s coming soon?” She answered, “My grandma?” Well, yes. She’ll be coming. “But who else? Is Santa coming?” “Yessssss!” she exclaimed. “He bring pwezents.” Ahhh. You got that right girlfriend.  Budget be dammed. Santa is bringing you and your brother a pant load of presents.[…]

Read More

Trail Traffic

When the morning commuters back out of their drive-ways in my neighbourhood, I can’t help but feel left behind. And when my son comes home from school at the end of a day filled with joyous grade two excitement, I feel a pang.  “That was mummy’s grade,” I remind him regretfully. After years of schooling to prepare for a decade in a career I loved, I’m now a stay-at-home-mom. You’d think I’d be used to this role by now. I’m not. Well, not really. But then, there are days like today. When I can call up my newly retired dad and say, “Hey, whatcha doing? Wanna come over?” We’re two free agents with the entire day ahead of us.  Today was a picture perfect day for a walk in the woods with two of my favourite people (and one happy canine). In the midst of our hike, I took a moment, closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun. It was so quiet. (All the loud people had driven off to work hours before!). The only sound was the leaves rustling in the trees. And farther along the trail, I quite literally stopped to smell the roses (aka[…]

Read More

Big Brother

I write about Avery often. I can’t help it. She generates a lot of unique questions along this uncharted parenting path. I feel guilty about that, as though the things her big brother does aren’t as special or important.  This isn’t the case at all.  He, is perfect. In every way. He’s smart and thoughtful and kind.  He’s funny and creative and he makes me ridiculously proud and grateful to be a mother. Sometimes, I can’t believe he’s mine. I feel so lucky I could cry.  And sometimes, I do (who am I kidding, lots of times…I’m a sappy, sucky cry baby. I admit it).

Read More

How I Almost Ruined Christmas

This Christmas I was deliriously ill. Seems I’ve become a pretty pathetic feeble germ bag. Anyway, it’s my excuse for nearly spoiling our carefully crafted “Elf” illusion. After Santa “retrieved” his loyal elf on Christmas Eve, I hid him away in a temporary hiding spot in my underwear drawer where he remained nestled amongst my delicate underthings, undetected until…five days after Christmas. I was feeling better and decided to tackle the laundry. As I was sorting socks and putting clothes into my dresser, I heard a gasp. It wasn’t my husband, horrified by the sight of my granny underpants. It was my son exclaiming, “Mum! Look!! It’s the elf. He’s in your drawer!” Me: “Ohhhh. About that…(think Lisa, think!!) I got an email from Santa apologizing for not taking the elf with him. He was running late and was distracted and accidentally left the elf behind. He asked if you’d mind looking after Elf for one more day until he can send one of his people to pick him up tonight?” (This is what was passing over my fibbing lips, but running through my head was: Nooooooo! Shit, shit, shit. Stupid moron!! I’ve ruined Christmas!!). *Expectant pause. Please buy it.[…]

Read More

All images and text are copyright © 2019 Forever In Mom Genes