This is what I do upon occasion whilst I’m supposed to be working or cleaning my house or grocery shopping or god forbid, exercising. I visit the countless random thoughts in my head and jot them down. I also, upon occasion, use the word whilst.
1. Recently I wrote about how we all eventually fall prey to the dreaded mom cut. So what do I go and do anyway? I get clipped despite my own warning. I was going for more ‘Julianne Hough’ than mom cut. Preeeeeeetty sure I nailed it. Wait, why are you sniggering? I can’t even properly evaluate what’s going on on my head at the moment. I woke up and immediately pulled my hair back into a stump of a ponytail. I’m a creature of habit. My friend laughed at me because I didn’t know who Julianne Hough actually is. She’s the host of that dancing show on t.v. This is what happens when you don’t have cable.
I’m the one on the right. Just in case you didn’t know because Jules and I are basically twins. I’d better put on a hat. The last thing I need is the paparazzi following me around Wal-mart. Why am I hiding behind sunglasses? Because old + tired + ragweed + no make-up + vain.
2. Taking selfies is weird. And hard. I don’t enjoy them. Except for this one. I really enjoy this one.
3. I feel sorry for those sign holding waving people who stand on the street corner, sometimes in hot sweaty costumes, waving you into their stores. I feel rude not waving back so mostly I drive by and avoid making eye contact.
4. People who drive with their windows down and music blaring… why? Why do you do this? It seems needy and show-offy and I feel embarrassed for you.
5. A little hair attached somewhere to my shirt, tickling my bare arm drives me crazy and I can’t focus on anything else until I locate and remove it.
6. Over-ripe fruit makes me gag. A banana has maybe one day and then it’s inedible to me.
7. Facebook is creating a culture of fake, lazy people. Instead of engaging with people, we simply “like” their posts or photos without commenting. Don’t get me wrong, I do it too. It’s fast and easy. Last week as an experiment I banned myself from liking any posts whatsoever (with the exception of comments people leave for me… I feel like it’s rude not to acknowledge comments…. is that weird?). Instead, I have to leave a comment. I still think Facebook makes it easy for us to be lazy in general. As for the fakery, I see people offering up “likes” soley to get likes back. Or liking the posts of people they don’t even like. Or liking posts as a passive aggressive “I see you mother-effer” kind of way. How has this even become a thing? Aren’t we all grown ups with actual REAL lives? I’m not judging, I’m sincerely asking? I’m worried for us for reals.
8. After doing this Karma Cleanse for the second time (I challenge you to try it for a week) I’ve discovered that people get irked when you can’t participate in smack talk or when you offer up a positive spin to their sour grapes. It’s highly entertaining. And annoying. Which makes it more fun.
9. I’m a horrable speller.
10. If “sitting is the new smoking” (in terms of negative health affects) then I’ve developed a three pack a day habit.