Blogging Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

 

I’m old and infirm. I’m also unfirm, which is partly why I’m in this painful predicament.

When I birthed my first child enormous melon pressed on my sciatic nerve which resulted in an epic Sciatica episode post partum. I literally could not walk until my chiropractor fixed me. Ever tried carrying a newborn while crawling on your hands and knees?

Thankfully I never had another flare up until this week. And boy did it flare. I’m actually writing this post standing. I’m like a *giraffe who can’t lie down.

When I was a teacher I was on my feet all day. I rarely sat. This was a good thing for my back. Now that I work from home (writing and managing several Social Media accounts) I’m on my butt the majority of the day with questionable posture most of the time. My back is a ticking time bomb…

So after spending six hours walking around the zoo last week, cute but unsupportive flip flops was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am the camel in this scenario and my sciatica reared it’s ugly head once again. I don’t recall childbirth being as painful. The shooting pains down my leg are so bad I want to vomit. I had to drive my daughter to an appointment yesterday and extending my leg to the gas pedal was excruciating…hence the quiet whimpering all the way there and back.

My chiropractor is trying to heal me, but it’s a process. In the meantime, my only salvation is standing. Sitting or lying down (in some positions) are unbearable. I’m taking anti-inflammatories and icing the area. A funny aside—recently our heat/ice gel pack exploded in the microwave because I *may* not have read the instructions. My bad. So now I’m using a bag of frozen corn since we’re out of peas. Said frozen corn was also recently used to ease my husband’s pain after a “certain procedure.” You know the one. I now jokingly refer to this bag of corn as “testicle corn” which sounds nearly as painful as Sciatica.

In the wild, giraffes almost never lie down because of vulnerability to
predators. They usually sleep standing, sometimes sitting, and they give
birth standing up. When giraffes sleep, they curl their necks and sleep
for about five minutes at a time, sleeping no more than 30 minutes a
day.

Extra Side note about giraffes… man can they pee! While viewing the giraffes at the zoo a female giraffe peed a steady stream for nearly five minutes! I almost applauded, until a strong breeze came up and blew a urine mist in our direction. Fortunately we were far enough up wind to avoid the spray. The same can’t be said for the couple next to us who received a Giraffe Golden Shower (hello Urban Dictionary). 

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  • I can only imagine your pain, but at least you can still see the bright side of not having been misted by giraffe pee. Also testicle corn is funny. I don't know why your husband doesn't think so.

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