Archive - August 2011

1
Hump Day Is Exhausting
2
Pink Eye—Read the Label Folks
3
Lisa’s Lexicon
4
The Lies We Tell As Special Needs Moms
5
Wordless Wednesday – Avery’s Blue Period
6
Pink Eye
7
Minding My Own Small Business
8
Linked In Shame
9
Seizure Salad
10
Get ’em While They’re Hot

Pink Eye—Read the Label Folks

We need a Hazmet team to disinfect this house. My husband is the latest victim of this itchy and ugly affliction called Pink Eye. I don’t need to explain how traumatic this has been in his eyes (I mean that both literally and figuratively). According to him, conjunctivitis is even more debilitating than a Man Cold. I know… My darling son itched his eye yesterday, just once, and I was on him with the drops before he could blink. I am hell bent to nip this mini-pandemic in the bud. Usually he’s very easy going about the eye drop insertion routine. This time however, he writhed and moaned and told me it stung. I poo-pooed his protests and carried on. This is when he really kicked up a fuss. “This feels different mom. I’m not kidding.” Seems I’d used ear drops by mistake. Just in the one eye. So that makes me only 50% negligent. right? When I got my hands on the correct drops and attempted to douse the second eye, I had to regain his trust. Silly kids. If they only knew that we’re basically just winging this whole parenting thing, they’d never trust us so blindly. Oh[…]

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Lisa’s Lexicon

Sometimes a word just fits. So what that you made it up and bastardized the English language in the process? If it gets your point across, does it really matter? Here are few words spewed forth from my keyboard that aren’t in the dictionary, but fabsolutely should be!  Blunderment: an awkward or embarrassing moment brought about by one’s own stupidity /“That fall in front of my child’s school was a blunderment of unspeakable proportions.” Fabsolutely: an exceedingly enthusiastic, yet sincere “Yes!” response / “Would I like to spend a child free day at the spa? Fabsolutely!” Manderpants: mens’ underwear, most often found inside-out on the bedroom floor / “I swear,if I find those manderpants on the floor one more time, I’ll stuff them up your nose.” Sapimental: a sappy, sentimental feeling or display of emotion resulting from nostalgia;  often includes “happy tears” or the “laugh/sob” / “Pass me a tissue. I’m feeling a little sapimental today.” Halloweiner: a husband who takes great pleasure from scaring innocent children on Halloween.  “I can’t believe you threw a severed leg at those kids! You are such a Halloweiner!”  Commfitment: a vow to get fit, like, for REALS this time. “I have made a serious commfitment. Pick me up for Zumba ok?[…]

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The Lies We Tell As Special Needs Moms

I told a lie about my child. You’re probably expecting a joke or a silly pun right about that. Not today.    I brought my daughter with me to the drugstore to buy eye drops (and shampoo and lip balm and a travel sized hairspray and milk. I need to get this impulse buying thing under control). As I stood in the skin care aisle (I also bought hand cream) Avery picked up various bottles and tubes and chattered away. Then she spontaneously hugged the guy who was stocking shelves next to us. She’s tactile and a hugger without boundaries, obviously.    All the while a young female clerk was casting glances our way. Later at the checkout that same clerk was organizing the magazines. She asked, “How old is she?” An innocent question, but one I’ve come to hate nonetheless. I understand why people ask. ALL THE TIME. They’re just trying to figure Avery out. She looks her age-ish physically, but her social graces and immature speech patterns make her appear much, much younger. “How old is she?” is an attempt to make sense of the disparity.    “How old is she?” asked the clerk. “She’s four,” I answered. […]

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Pink Eye

I took a photo of my eyes a few weeks ago in all their teary, weepy, oozy pinkness. I had a bad case of conjunctivitis. I planned on posting the picture with info about the “dos and don’ts of eye infections.” However, it cleared up and I deleted the repulsive pic. You’re welcome. So guess what returned this morning? Pink Eye has reared its crusty head once again. The unfortunate victim this time around? My brown eyed boy. Make that, my brown and pink eyed boy. This morning he woke with one lid sealed shut. I had him lie on the couch with a warm cloth over his eye to loose things up. I left the room to grab the drops and in the meantime, Avery nicked the cloth from her defenceless, half blind brother and put the diseased cloth over HER eyes! She was moaning and making all kinds of dramatic, “whoa is me” gestures. Apparently she wanted a little of the attention her brother was receiving. Well little girl, it’s very likely you’ll be receiving more than that. In about 24 hours, I’ll have two brown and pink eyed children on my hands (speaking of hands, they should[…]

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Minding My Own Small Business

  The business of starting a small business gives me a thrill.  I’m teased mercilessly by friends and family who have christened me, “Queen of the Big Idea.” I’m thinking I should start a club with like minded idea lovers to discuss, you know, ideas. I could call it, Mensa and Margaritas. We would obviously have to have t-shirts made.   I just get so excited whenever an idea sparks. I become consumed by it. But, once the reality of the money and time required to take it to the next step sets in, the idea is filed away. And by file, I mean literally filed away in a file on my computer called, “Lisa’s Home Biz Ideas.” Each of these businesses-in-the-making has a name, logo and tag line in place. I didn’t go to business school, but I know you can’t start a business without a catchy logo in a cool font. Also, my business plans have cute icons and are in a pretty colour coded chart.   So, a “big idea” hasn’t taken off for me yet, but it will. And it will be huge, I tell you, huge. 

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Linked In Shame

  We’re all subjected to the sting of embarrassment. We may flounder amid an awkward silence or flush in the face of a social slip up. It happens. It seems to happen to me a lot.   I have a knack for saying the wrong thing—a joke falls flat or I call someone by the incorrect name (turns out I’ve been calling my neighbour Leanne for over a year. Her name is not Leanne).   I’m quite skilled at plunging feet first into graceless situations; falling off curbs, walking into sign posts, exposing body parts or food wedged between teeth.     I bring these blunderments upon myself. I often half pay attention in social situations and it bites me in the butt. From forgetting names to joining in and laughing at an inappropriate part of a conversation. It’s not that I’m disinterested. I’m just easily distracted. I’m a poor multi-tasker. I end up doing too many things at once and my focus becomes fuzzy, resulting in a multitude of clumsy missteps.   Updating my Linked-In account tonight (while talking on the phone, cropping photos and chatting on Twitter) I inadvertently sent out an invitation to EVERY SINGLE PERSON on[…]

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Seizure Salad

Our daughter has Epilepsy. The onset was sudden (at the age of three) and the year it took to bring her life threatening seizures under control was brutal. Now secure in the knowledge the medication is doing its job to keep the big seizures at bay, we’re able to breathe. I can even leave Avery for the night without suffering a panic attack at the theatre, spending the second act with my head between my knees. Today, we got the latest results of her recent EEG.They were abnormal and showed moderate seizure activity in her beautiful brain. *Our neurologist says lots of children out grow seizure disorders. I had myself convinced this would apply to Avery. I imagined the doctor shaking his head in amazement saying, “Wow. How wonderful. Generally Epilepsy doesn’t resolve this quickly.” He didn’t say any such thing. Despite this disheartening news, there’s still a good chance she will grow out of this. God, I hope she does. I also hope the medication will continue to provide a barrier between us and those frightening seizures. They were seriously alarming. We will just have to wait and see what happens. I hate that. Isn’t there a cosmic cheat[…]

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Get ’em While They’re Hot

While many families spent today’s sticky 33 degree day in the cool of a pool, I took my kids shopping for Halloween costumes; stifling, zip up to the chin, plush get-ups. In my defense, we DID go swimming first. But on the way home, we passed a Once Upon A Child gently used clothing store. We popped in to look for a rain coat to match Avery’s new back-to-school rain boots. I didn’t find a rain coat, but instead discovered a treasure trove of Halloween costumes.  Admittedly, I’m a closet snob when it comes to my…closet. The same holds true for my children’s clothes. GAP and Gymboree have me by the Coach Wristlet. Second hand stores have proven to be my saving grace during recent budget constraints. People sell their stuff; GOOD stuff and for a fraction of the cost. I have yet to purchase school supplies, but I can happily tick “costumes” off my fall to-do list.  Visit a consignment store near you and grab your costumes now! The selection is unbeatable and the price is right. I got two full costumes today for under $20 (and laughed my ass off during the air conditioned fashion show)!                    My[…]

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