I’m standing at a cross roads, caught in the crosshairs of uncertainty. For a control lovin’ Capricorn, this is a highly uncomfortable place to be. It leaves me feeling…cross.
I’ve wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember. Since leaving the profession, I’ve had days when I’ve really missed it but mostly I’ve felt fortunate to be able to stay home with Avery. She needs me.
Now that she’s at school part-time, I’m able to dip back into the teaching pool and I’ve been supplying at a private school. They have a ridiculously healthy staff however, so they don’t call very often. When my local school district recently opened up their “Occasional Teacher” roster to applicants, I jumped at the chance. I had an interview last week. (This story does not end well by the way…)
I went in with a deadly combination of nerves and cockiness. I thought, “I’m a real teacher, with experience and strategies galore. I can answer any question the panel throws at me.” However, factors like nerves, irrelevant questions and ill humoured interviewers who were clearly tired and running behind schedule, did not work in my favour. I had nine minutes to sell myself. Nine.
I haven’t heard for sure that I didn’t make the cut, but if body language is any indication (plus the fact that none of my references have been contacted), I’m fairly certain my application has been marked with a giant red X.
So now what? Am I still a teacher? Am I a writer? An entrepreneur? A mom-preneur? What in the hell am I?
I do know I’m a mother. One who is lucky enough to be at home with her children and I appreciate how special this is. But I also know that my wallet is empty. Working isn’t just something I need to do for my identity, it’s something I need to do for my family. They seem to have this weird need to eat and wear clothes and stuff.
So now I need to figure which road to follow. Will the chosen road lead to a classroom or some place completely new? Just please, PLEASE don’t let the road lead to a fast food staff break room…