There Will Be Tears

Avery starts school tomorrow. Full day Junior Kindergarten, three days a week.

I….am a wreck. 

Many kind people have reached out to tell me, “It’s ok. It gets easier. She’ll love it. You’ll be fine.” All thoughtful and well-meaning comments. And it’s true, she will love it. And she will be fine. But will I? And will it really get easier?

I felt the usual pangs and sentimental sorrow on my son’s first day of Kindergarten four years ago.  But it got easier, fast.

But he didn’t stand out from his peers in a blatant and painfully awkward way. I didn’t have to meet with the school to discuss emergency procedures and ambulance protocol. He didn’t have to wear a helmet at recess to protect his curly haired head from frequent falls on the unforgiving blacktop. He didn’t have his own personal Educational Assistant shadowing his every move to ensure his safety. He didn’t wear a diaper. He didn’t receive quizzical looks from his peers or other parents. He was happy. He fit in. I didn’t worry.

But this is different. Now I worry. All the time. A lot.

We never thought we would see this day. Avery was never supposed to walk or talk or go to a regular school. But she does and she is.

This is the best thing for her. She is going to love school.

I know she’ll be ok.

But will I?

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5 Comments

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  • No, you probably won't be okay. You'll always worry, you'll always want to protect her. And you know what? That's okay. Because you're her mom and if you didn't worry, that's when it wouldn't be okay.

    Hugs!

  • Oh lady I just want to reach thru and give you such a big hug…I want you to know that since I have met you and learned of your daily challenges…You have made me a better mother…which was good cause sometimes I felt pretty sucky at it.

    Your one of the Bravest women I know..and I love you for your honesty…and your sweet ass but that's a whole different post.

    I am blessed to know you…

    Cheers
    Dee

  • Love you, too. And I'm having trouble articulating what I want to say, so I'll just echo what Sharon and Dee said. 'Cuz I'm lazy like that. And it's early in the morning.

    Big hugs!

  • Wow. I'm in tears typing this..wow. She's going to Kindergarten. That's huge. I know you are worried and you will be a wreck.I'd be too. But like Sharon said, that's okay…just know I am here if you ever need to talk, or cry.

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