Whose Kids Are These Anyway?

 

Your children have the power to make you weep with joy and puff with pride. They also have the power to embarrass you beyond belief.

Last week my daughter had an appointment with her cardiologist; a very nice man whose office Avery mistook for a playground. She was a holy terror opening drawers and slamming doors. The only way I could concentrate on what the doctor was saying was to hold her, bouncing her on my hip. This tactic did the trick until she decided to investigate down my top. Maintaining a serious conversation while a third party has a sticky hand wedged in your cleavage is challenging.

Suddenly, my daughter grabbed my shirt and bra in an iron-like grasp and pulled them both swiftly to the side, giving the doctor an eyeful. I’m sure he took a look merely out of professional interest as the left side of my chest was exposed, which everyone knows is where the heart is located. I basically died.

On our next outing we popped into RW & Co. to check out the new spring fashions. While I was ogling a pretty floral skirt, Avery who was strapped into her stroller, reached out to fondle a mannequin. In doing so, she knocked the whole thing over. FYI mannequins make a deafening sound as their plastic and metal bits hit the ceramic floor.

I was mortified as the saleswoman glared and the manager ran over to investigate. If I hadn’t been so embarrassed, I would’ve taken a picture. Imagine a six foot tall brunette lying face down, sprawled on the floor, dress up around her waist and both arms dislodged, strewn a few feet away in opposite directions. Brings me back to my University days (minus the detached arms).

Avery is granted immunity due to her chronological immaturity. However, when it comes to being embarrassed by your children, there are no age restrictions. Avery’s older brother has dished out his fair share of humble pie. Mmmm, pie. Where was I? Oh yes, last week at Shopper’s Drugmart he asked in a loud voice, “Mummy maybe that guy knows if there are any white chocolate bunnies left? Let’s ask that man. He works here.” I ignored him and pretended to be looking intently at a jar of mixed nuts. “Mum, ask him,” he continued. A seemingly innocent suggestion, so what’s the problem? The man…was a woman.

I could go on with example after example, but here’s just one more. I went with my son on a field trip. While we were lining up to get back on the bus to return to school, a class from another school passed by in single file. “Look mom. That whole class is from Africa. Even the teachers. I’d like to go to Africa on a safari. Can I have a snack on the bus?” Yes, this quote was verbatim. One of the teachers heard his comment and raised an eyebrow. I smiled at her and gave her a little “kids will be kids” shrug in his direction. Awkward.

I can hardly wait to be completely humiliated again soon. It’s only a matter of time.

What’s the most embarrassing thing your child has ever done?

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  • OMG!! Hysterical!! I love the visual you gave of the 6 ft brunette!! Priceless…truly priceless!
    Once my 3 year old (she's 12 now) told a cashier "you have a fat face"…the cashier said back.."well, so do you!" Way to go lady…teach her how to fight back!
    Still working on my award post over here….thank you very much….

  • I'm here from Terry's site because she bestowed the award on me! I'm her sister. I love what your child said about the people on the bus…kids say some of the darndest things, don't they? I love it! I miss those days!!

  • This is brilliant. As a Mom and as a Teaching Assistant I have had many embarrasing moments. You are a creative soul with a wonderful sense of humour!!!

  • My boys love to touch the mannequins at Old Navy in, um, inappropriate places. One time, my 3.5yo, who already seems to have a foot fetish, proceeded to bow down to the female mannequin and kiss her feet!

  • My boys love to touch the mannequins at Old Navy in, um, inappropriate places. One time, my 3.5yo, who already seems to have a foot fetish, proceeded to bow down to the female mannequin and kiss her feet!

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