Archive - April 2010

1
Hope I Don’t Get LOST!
2
I Bumped My Head
3
Flowers In The (playhouse) Attic?
4
Heads Up
5
The Ultimate Picky Eater
6
Whose Kids Are These Anyway?
7
Honestly Me
8
Loser

Hope I Don’t Get LOST!

I hate flying. I haven’t always. Back in the day, if someone said “Let’s jump on a plane!” I’d say, “How high?”…and not even care. Now I care. Hurling through the sky in a hunk of metal propelled by combustible jet fuel does not thrill me. I’m sure post 9/11 I’m not alone in this. It doesn’t help matters that my son said, “I sure hope your plane doesn’t crash like in LOST.” Crap. I’d be interested to know how many other people have developed an adult onset fear of flying? I’m pretty sure that the responsibilities of parenthood are the culprit. Anyway, I’m going to suck it up tomorrow and take these white knuckles on a plane to Vegas. I can hardly wait to spend some quality time with my best friend. Tiff and I met in third grade and have been sisters from other misters ever since. It’s hard living so far apart. I’m also excited to see my old travel buddies. In the ’90s Tiff, Lisa S., Michela, Paige and I backpacked through India and South East Asia together. There were LOTS of plane rides involved, and my knuckles remained flesh toned every time. Ahhh, to be[…]

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I Bumped My Head

Today DS came home with this sticker stuck to his shirt. With my trip to Vegas coming up, I’m thinking I should ask the school for a few to take along with me. Kidding (mostly). The safety policies and procedures at our local school are outstanding. (I say this both as a parent and as a teacher). With Avery going to the same school next fall I can only say….PHEW. When DS bumped his head on the playground, he was examined, I was notified by phone and he was “stickered” so everyone in the school and at home would be on the lookout for any unusual behaviour. Frankly, I’m surprised his actual head even made contact with the ground. Did I mention it was Crazy Hair Day?

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Flowers In The (playhouse) Attic?

  I love my brother. Not in a Flowers in the Attic sort of way, but a… Iamsoluckytohavesuchanamazingsibling kind of way. A few weeks ago my brother Michael and my niece and nephew came to stay with us during American spring break. I said it then and I’ll say it again, “BEST…VACATION…EVER” said oh so sarcastically. I am so sorry little bro. I truly wanted to show you a good time. Instead I ended up showing you the hectic hell that life in this house can sometimes be. Avery’s seizures started up again a few days after Mike and the kids got here and she had at least one every day while they were here. I was a bit of a wreck and took helicopter parenting to a new high. Also during their stay my dad was “packaged out” of his job (which turned out the be a GREAT thing. Early retirement couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy. Love you dad), Mike got sick, my nephew sprained his ankle and I basically had a nervous breakdown. Goooooood times all around. So, they left for home a few days early. I can’t imagine why. I think I heard their tires screeching as[…]

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Heads Up

Look up. See that pitiful header? No! Not YOUR head. You have a perfectly nice cranium. I love your hair by the way. I mean, look up at the top of this blog. The title header is making me crazy. I can not get the damn thing to stretch (that’s what he said) or at least appear in the centre. Is that too much to ask? Is it?? Ok, I’m getting a little shrill here. I hate when things are off kilter. I feel at ease when things are fully on kilter. Is it really a big deal that the thing is off centre? It shouldn’t prevent me from continuing to write, especially since writing is therapeutic and calming. So the header’s a little askew. Big deal. Deep breaths. Shake it off. Just shaaaaaake it off… Bah! It’s no use. I won’t rest until my header is at it’s maximum length (again, that’s what he said). Any blogger experts out there who know what my problem is? (ahem, by that I mean my blog problem…)

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The Ultimate Picky Eater

Parents often complain about their child’s picky eating. It’s common and it’s SO frustrating. You go to great lengths to make a nutritious and delicious meal and your ingrate of a child tosses the whole thing on the floor. It makes me crazy(er). Avery is a picky eater to the extreme. On a pickiness scale from one to ten, she’s an eleventeen. I plan on buying this book asap -> Not that it will likely help much in our particular situation, but at least I’ll have some laughs while cleaning spaghetti sauce off the wall and using a Tide stick to remove a blackberry stain from the canvas mat of a painting in our dining room. True story. At three months of age Avery refused to nurse and we have struggled to feed her ever since.  She was hospitalized at eight months of age for “Failure to Thrive” and was scheduled for g-tube surgery on four separate occasions. Due to illness, the surgeries were postponed. We ended up canceling the last scheduled procedure and got lucky; Avery started eating enough by mouth on her own to get by with out the tube.  Three years later, Avery is still a skinny[…]

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Whose Kids Are These Anyway?

  Your children have the power to make you weep with joy and puff with pride. They also have the power to embarrass you beyond belief. Last week my daughter had an appointment with her cardiologist; a very nice man whose office Avery mistook for a playground. She was a holy terror opening drawers and slamming doors. The only way I could concentrate on what the doctor was saying was to hold her, bouncing her on my hip. This tactic did the trick until she decided to investigate down my top. Maintaining a serious conversation while a third party has a sticky hand wedged in your cleavage is challenging. Without warning my daughter grabbed my shirt and bra in an iron-like grasp and pulled them both swiftly to the side, giving the doctor an eyeful. I’m sure only look out of professional interest as the left side of my chest was exposed, which everyone knows is where the heart is located. I basically died. On our next outing we popped into the mall to check out the new spring fashions. While I was ogling a pretty floral skirt, Avery who was strapped into her stroller, reached out to fondle a[…]

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Honestly Me

Here are ten honest things about me… in no particular order 1. I’m sarcastic. Sometimes too much so. What? Like I’m the ONLY one? (See?) 2. My top left front tooth is a fakity, fake, fake. 3. I f*cking curse far more than a lady should. 4. I always imagined having three children. After Avery however, I chickened out. I sometimes mourn the baby that will never be. 5. I can’t do an accent of any kind to save my life, although to the chagrin of those in ear shot, I continue to try. 6. I have to say, “Drive safely” to anyone leaving my house AND I must blow a stray eyelash off my cheek while making a wish or something bad will happen. It’s exhausting controlling the fate of others let me tell you. 7. I like to be the one “in charge” at all times (number 6 makes more sense now doesn’t it?). It’s probably why I loved being a teacher. The teacher is always in charge. 8. I need a chemical peel on the backs of my hands. Why didn’t I slap on some sunscreen back in the day? Damn hindsight. Now I’m cursed with seventy[…]

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Loser

I talk incessantly about being tired, but I can’t help it. This girl child is killing me over here with her 2 AM-5 AM “Night-Owl parties.” At least being over-tired gives me an excuse for being such a giant loser.I’ve lost so many things in the past few weeks, I’m literally at a loss. I have misplaced/or lost forever…never to be seen again: …my cell phone (like, a lot) …a wallet where I keep gift cards (later found in a purse side pocket) …our video camera  …my favourite wooden bracelet  …the beautiful necklace my friend gave me for my 40th (all found behind the dresser in my closet) …my drivers licence (never recovered…had to get a new one) …the t.v. remote for three days (found under the couch. I swear I looked there. Several times) …every damn hair elastic I own. Where do they go? Furthermore, where are all of my bobby pins? …a cheque made out to me (found in the kitchen catch-all drawer) …the charger adapter for my new iphone (found under my bed…no clue how it got there) …a brand new, never opened pack of iPhone screen covers (I suspect it went out with the recycling) …a[…]

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